[johngalt]

The best way to not bring all that emotion home is not to have it in the first place.

Anger is caused by frustration is caused by desire.

People who dont give a damn about their jobs clock out at 4:56 and rest easy. The people who burn out or 'snap' are the ones whom take the most pride in their work. Learn to care less about your job.

If you already have the emotions built up, then simply recognize that fact and take them apart. Writing letters you dont send works pretty well.

[omegaworks]

> learn to care less about your job.

This. This 100x over. Present your opinions, back them up with data / rationale, and if they don't go with them: water off a duck's back. It's their mistake if it works out poorly, or you learn something new if it works out great.

If you have employers that don't let you practice this "giving fewer fucks" attitude, or hold it against you wrt career progression, that's when you start looking for somewhere else to work. No employees should have to physically or emotionally harm themselves as a part of their job. If it's not your company (you don't have founder-level equity) then it's not worth your health. It's arguably NEVER worth your health, even if you are a founder.

[crpatino]

It is an important life skill, cannot be denied.

However, I cannot stop noticing that all the worst traits of the software industry start with the talented professionals amoungst us "caring less" about their jobs; and then the bozos running the show are free to go around wanking their minds and fucking up everything for everyone. If you ask the authors of every monstrosity out there, they will claim the Nuremberg defense, pennies to peanuts!

[omegaworks]

Just to clarify, I don't think it's appropriate to just "turn off" completely. Speak up. Make your opinions known, put the work in to back them up, but don't let that work be extra - build it into the time you need to prepare for meetings. Push back when you don't get enough time to do it.

If there's something alarmingly dangerous about the things that you end up doing, security concerns unaddressed etc, put the feedback in writing.

Don't clam up. Just don't let it eat away at you if you are ignored; dot your Is and cross your Ts.

It's a balancing act, of course. You have to get good at understanding and making the case for what's best for the company.

[normaljoe]

Care not about the job outside the job. Care much about the code while at the job. That's the true skill and it is very hard to do. As a coder you never really turn off, at least that's my last 20 years of experience.

The best way to "train" for this is to take a long cruise or other far away vacation. I took a transatlantic, 7 nights no Internet. Well I could have Internet paid in minutes at legacy modem baud rates, but "legacy baud" says enough.

[downrightmike]

water off a duck's back. Fuck it. (R)

[omegaworks]

Blatantly stolen from the great Jinkx Monsoon :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLmWUAHrZnM

[downrightmike]

Nope

[tonyedgecombe]

Shifting to contracting helped me with this, as a contractor I was able to keep an emotional distance from the work, I always knew I only had a few more weeks or months and so if they wanted me to produce crap then so be it.

[bshimmin]

I've found an interesting divide amongst contractors on this - some are happy to treat it precisely that way, complaining a little about the crap they have to produce, but mostly content with the fact that it's not forever, maybe the next contract will be great, and the money really makes up for whatever crap you have to deal with. (Let's face it, if you're contracting and you're not making good money, you're just doing it wrong.)

For others, and this was very much me, the better contracts are those that last longer and are, really, much more like a full-time job, except it's typically just one project (and yes, there's the money aspect again).

The best contracts I had were greenfield projects where I was the team leader, had a lot of responsibility, and saw the project through from start to finish over the course of a year or more. The worst contract I ever had was three months - or, at least, it was that long until I quit - where I was paid better than I'd ever been paid before to produce total crap with a team of perms who were angry and aggressive and hated contractors, a horrible manager who hated everyone, and fellow contractors who either didn't care, weren't really up to the job, or were also miserable and quit - three in the space of a week at one point. I remember buying myself a sandwich one day, eating it, thinking to myself that the time I'd spent eating it had earned me more money than the sandwich had cost, smiling grimly to myself, and still being miserable because the job was so hateful. (In all fairness, I left at 5 every day and didn't give another thought to the job until the following morning, apart from a general sense of misery on the commute in. I'm sure I did complain bitterly about the job to anyone who would listen...)

[Jaruzel]

During 25+ years of doing IT, I've been a contractor ~60% of the time, and I can say that for me, being a permie was the most stressful time of my life. It eventually caused me to have a total breakdown, which required lots of therapy just to recover. I then quit the job, and switch back to contracting.

Oddly enough, previously to that incident, I treated contracting no different to being a permie, I'd heavily invest, commit 110%, and push and push until stuff was delivered. I didn't know how to take my foot off the gas, even when I was only hired to do one specific thing.

I'm now in my second contract since my breakdown, and I have that disconnected attitude, when I can just walk away, and I try not to let the work issues affect me. I'm now a much calmer person (although that could be the daily drugs talking... I don't know).

It's all horses for courses at the end of the day, some people like to be neck-deep in work, and thrive on the stress and pressure, and others just want to be left alone to do what they are good at during 9-5 and then forget about work until the next day.

What is true though, is that stress will kill you, and no matter what your role is, it's not worth your life.

[tonyedgecombe]

I guess it helped that I mostly did short term contracts, I think the longest was six months, often they were just a couple of weeks.