[nyxtom]

I know some people here have suggested jumping to another position, which certainly is a viable option, but consider the fact that emotional hardship will always occur in our lifetimes. Similarly, it's worth gaining some self-awareness around why things are activating, whether they be good or bad (activating or deregulating your system in a heightened state or a low-energy state).

My advice is see a therapist on a somewhat regular basis; we are quick to ensure that we always keep our bodies in check and healthy but rarely do we consider that perhaps mental therapy is also something we should do regularly. You've said it yourself, talking to people helps; my suggestion is see a therapist, it is their job to help you gain introspection and be your guide; and in general give you a safe space to express how you really feel and what's activating it (good or bad, ups and downs). It's helpful to have multiple people that you can lean on for this thing, a therapist might help guide you towards creating a community of people that you rely on.

[m_fayer]

I like the analogy to body maintenance.

I think we should just admit that therapists have two modes - an acute mode for treating the mentally ill, and a "personal trainer" mode. With the latter, therapists do the same for the mind that personal trainers do for the body: they teach you to feel and occupy your mind so you best know how to gain strength, avoid injury, and move with economy and grace. They catch bad postures and minor twinges before they lead to strain and injury. They identify and strengthen weak points in order to keep the whole thing in balance.

You can live without a therapist-trainer just like you can live life without a personal trainer. But those lucky enough to have one will live a life with less injury and hardship, and have accomplishment and contentment within easier reach.

People in "life-long therapy" tend to be the objects of ridicule. But IMO many of them (maybe unconsciously?) are actually onto something - that lifelong therapy is actually a pretty good idea. Maybe they keep coming back not because they are self-involved and enjoy drama, but because they've found that, even though they can do without just fine, they do much better with.

[nyxtom]

I have an awesome therapist that I see on a regular basis. Much of the conversations range from your everyday emotional highs and lows to diving deeper into the neuroscience of behavior and activating memories. When you approach emotional experience with the full depth that your mind brings to it, you can begin to understand what drives you; but more importantly, at least for me, it creates a tremendous amount of grace and compassion towards how you treat yourself. It has taught me to allow myself to feel compassion for when I am angry, or sad, even overly optimistic and happy. But more importantly I understand the value of impermanence, and repairing and reconciling the issues (issues btw which can be positive experiences as well, not just negative experiences) we face with each other and ourselves.

[m_fayer]

I'd also add to your list of value that you begin to understand, embrace, even love the full depth of human fallibility/frailty. Sounds like you have a good thing going.

[moomin]

100%. I remember talking to my 14 year old niece about her seeing a therapist. She comes from a very old-fashioned area and I told her that some people would judge her for doing it. My next words were "Fuck. Them." She's never heard me swear before or since and I think she'll remember what I said for that reason.

I've seen a therapist, again for anger issues, for an extended period of time. Have never regretted it. A couple of points that I'd make in general that may or may not be useful:

First off, there's things you have a right to be angry about and things you don't. In the latter category, it's okay to feel angry, but it might be worth delving deeper into why that is. In the former, again it's okay to be angry but you want to think about what you can do to get yourself out of it. My wife just switched jobs for this reason.

Second, society pulls a real number on men's mental health. Plenty of emotions are considered weak and not appropriate for men. This gets re-routed to the acceptable emotions, notably anger. It's worth thinking about how this effects you.

Third, sometimes you're not angry about what you think you're angry about. Therapy really helps in these situations.

Fourth: it's ok to be angry. It's not okay to take the anger out on people. It's also really hard not to if you're constantly angry like I was. Apologise, a lot. The apologies will start to sound thin pretty quick unless you're taking concrete steps to do something about it, but in any event, always be sorry.

[nyxtom]

I also want to recognize the point that there may be some associations with therapy that might make some people uneasy. Take it from me, that therapy is not about talking about all the bad things going on in your life and emotional health is not about trying to feel happy all the time.

To be truly human, means to feel the entire spectrum of emotion; to allow yourself to experience the good and the bad and to be okay with that. Therapy is about introspection, gaining awareness, and understanding impermanence, and the built-in analogy machine we call our brain - driven by the fading memories and experiences of the past.

When you understand that memory is a physiological experience, and that your mind is an analogy machine, then everything you experience - good and bad - has some consequential association with something you previously experienced.

Therapy, at least for me, is about keeping pace with that analogy machine and giving some grace to what it means to be human.

[stewbrew]

I'm against pathologising any normal reaction to stress. When the anger reaches a point where it actually becomes a painful hindrance in daily life it's an option to think about though. But there are also coaching and life counseling (not sure what the proper English terms are).

[cholantesh]

>But there are also coaching and life counseling (not sure what the proper English terms are).

Life coaching is just bad therapy from unqualified people. And they are often part of MLM schemes or associate themselves with (other) swindlers to part you from even more of your money.

[stewbrew]

I think it depends on the country and its regulations -- whether the profession is regulated at all. Anyway, coaching etc. is no therapy because the clients aren't (mentally) ill or anything. There is nothing to cure, which is what therapy is about.

[cholantesh]

Therapy and counselling can both be sought by people who are not mentally ill.

[mistermann]

> Life coaching is just bad therapy from unqualified people.

Interesting how you know so much about things you cannot observe.

[lawik]

Yeah, therapy has done wonders for my ability to take action instead of letting frustration build up. For me, your emotions are your emotions, you can't just leave them behind. But you can often release them in a constructive way or at least vent them a bit :)

[m_fayer]

You can't wish them away, no. But if you change the right habits of mind (not saying that's easy) you'll have less negative emotions in need of unpleasant metabolizing in the first place.

[lawik]

I agree :)