[kjbflsudfb]

Not meaning to be cynical of the work done here, but I don't know if I understand the overall concept. If you aren't staying in contact with a particular friend "enough" then maybe you aren't really friends? Sort of a natural selection of your friends.

[sfeng]

In my experience it's very easy to grow separated from people you don't see organically. That doesn't mean you don't want to be close with them, or they're not important to you, just that life without help won't throw you together anymore.

[prawn]

And that help might be a schedule (work friends, social sport, regular get togethers with others who have kids) or it could be an app/site prompting contact. However you can make it work, do it IMO.

[hoodoof]

Friend relationships require active work to ensure they remain friends.

If you are young this might not be obvious but as you get older there is nothing more certain.

Friends who you do not make the effort to see in person do not remain friends.

Staying in personal contact does not happen without action.

Facebook/text messaging alone does not count as being in contact.

Men in particular have a tendency to not maintain their friendships and many end up old and friendless.

[jlarocco]

> Friend relationships require active work to ensure they remain friends.

Isn't it the thought that counts, though? Seems very shallow to maintain a "friendship" using an app.

It's weird the things that we're automating away.

[CalRobert]

If I write down all my friends' birthdays on a calendar and use that as a reminder to get in touch, is that shallow? Some of us are just bad at remembering these things.

Also, when you work 60+ hours a week, have a kid, have a partner with whom to maintain a relationship, and spend an astonishing amount of time on chores, it's not shallow to just get distracted. For what it's worth, people remember, I think, just not as often as they'd like.

[hoodoof]

I don't think there's anything wrong with being organised about staying in contact.

Perhaps it is something best kept as a one sided thing though where only the organiser knows that they are being systematic about maintaining their friendships.

[zardo]

You could mostly do this with a pencil and paper. Would it still seem shallow if someone tracked contact with people in their journal under a 'Important Relationships' heading?

[wishinghand]

Out of sight, out of mind is insidious when it comes to friends.

Even for acquaintances I see it happening. My work has two offices. Someone I spoke to a lot on Slack moved to the other office and I realized today we haven't spoken in 3 weeks. Our Slack conversations were jumpstarted by things we experienced in the flesh and they we kvetched about it all day.

[AznHisoka]

I find it funny/sad that 3 weeks is considered a long time between seeing an acquaintance. For me, i can easily go a year between seeing a close friend.

[wishinghand]

There's a spectrum of time that's acceptable and people fall along it differently. However, a year between seeing a close friend? If they're in the same city, that seems more like an outlier.

[mrexroad]

i don't mean this as a snarky reply, but i'll assume you don't have kids?

3, 6, or even 12 months can easily slip by between seeing some of my best friends who live in the same region. while i'm an introvert, i deeply value the time I spend with my friends. i put a good amount of energy into balancing work and family, with whatever is leftover usually being "me time" (reading, learning, building). I try and weave "friend time" into one of the former, but it usually takes more conscious effort than i can spare.

[kjbflsudfb]

I don't think that is snarky and you are correct. I'm simply trying to understand from others' points-of-view, though apparently simply asking is controversial...

I personally would feel like it cheapens the interaction if it was initiated solely on the fact that my friend set a reminder. I'm sure not everyone thinks that way, but why not ask?

[exclusiv]

I agree that it cheapens. If everyone starts using this app the way they currently use Facebook and their concept of lots of light friendships, a lot of people will have to make decisions about meeting at any given time because someone wants to check a box in their app so the smiley face doesn't go to a frown based on some arbitrary date that one party set when they created the reminder.