[soyelmango]

"I have this incredibly strong urge to help people."

Me too. When I hear a problem, I instinctively offer a solution, or at least try to work through the problems to a solution. Apparently, it's a male trait - "Ug! Man solve problem."

Then I was offered advice along the lines of "Don't offer advice until you're asked for it." Oh, meta. When someone's telling you of his problem: he's not necessarily asking for a solution, he's not necessarily looking for tips, he maybe doesn't even want to change... he just wants to rant and whinge a bit - and if you offer a solution, it's usually unwelcome and you're frustrating his venting. Of course, if he's ranting, whinging and venting the SAME problem after a few years... well!

Thanks for posting this - I'd recently forgotten that line of advice and had reverted to being Mr Instant Problem Solver!

Maybe this openness is a trait of HN readers - knowledge accumulators, problem solvers, generous time givers, open-sourcers - that doesn't apply to the wider population!

[pepeto]

I think what you said hits the sweetspot. I understand not to give advice until I am asked for, but I just never realized that someone coming to tell me a problem != 'i want a help'

huge heads up, thanx!

And why would someone not want a solution? yet to figure this one out...

[soyelmango]

Just stumbled across this... "Male answer syndrome" - tongue-in-cheek, but certainly has some truth in it... http://www.wordspy.com/words/maleanswersyndrome.asp