| I'm going to toss this out in hopes that it will hope, though I fear that you may take my words wrong. I understand that this is a rant, but I'm concerned about some of the words that you chose. Consider some of these phrases: > And honestly, I don't even see why my autism is a problem. I've always seen my autism and quietness as my super power, and it drive me nuts that you people don't see that too. > I was going to ask for help, but realistically that's pointless - I won't change in any significant way. > Please just try to be more understanding. It genuinely upsets me because I'm a pretty good developer, yet I know people who are really quite terrible, but they can bullshit well so they're all doing better than me. And this is at your expense quite frankly. The dude writes terrible code, but he came across well, so obviously we hired him... > Oh, and you can all fuck right off with your office culture. Stop wasting yours and my time sending each other cat.gif and joking about how the German IT guy is a secret Nazi. It's not remotely funny, I can't even explain how mad it makes me that I was let go for not participating in this madness. When I read those (even knowing that this is a rant), I can't help but wonder if those attitudes come across while you're looking for work. For example, I wonder how you would answer, "Why did you leave your last job?" Do you start to talk about the German IT guy who was a secret Nazi? Do you talk about how the team bonding was a waste of everyone's time? Does your disdain for culture come through? Or, what happens if someone asks what your weaknesses are and how you plan to compensate for them? Do you say, "I'm autistic, but I won't ask for help because I won't change in any significant way"? Do you understand my point here? Your communication skills may actually be fine, but perhaps your anger scares people away. I'm not sure that you're really looking for advice, but I have a few pieces for you. 1.) Get your autism diagnosed and start looking into programs for autistic adults. This is absolutely critical.Here's the thing about autism. You understand certain things differently, but it's not like you have an inoperable stage four tumour. Autism doesn't mean that you can't change, it just means that you might have to work harder at things that come naturally to people who aren't on the spectrum. But, there's another side to that coin because people who aren't on the spectrum will have to work harder at things that come naturally to you. Just because you get diagnosed, you don't necessarily have to fill (these are your own words) 'a retard quota'. However, a diagnosis will help you access some programs that will help make things easier for you. One of my buddies is on the spectrum and he has an incredible amount of difficulty with sequences. This cat loves music though and wanted nothing more than to learn how to play guitar. But, everyone said, "no, it will be too hard for you because sequences are hard for you." Despite that though, my buddy learned how to play guitar and is currently playing with one hell of a good band. 2.) We all have struggles. You struggle with autism. I struggled with a terrible speech impediment. And others struggle with addictions, mental illness and a myriad of problems. You'll be surprised by how compassionate people can be if you tell them that you struggle. Heck, my buddy the guitar player has learned to be pretty straight up with people when he doesn't understand what's going on. "Sorry, I'm not trying to be rude, but I have autism and I don't understand what's expected of me." It was harder than hell for him to start doing that, but he's been incredibly surprised by the results. Random people will say that they don't understand what's expected of them either, but they just fake it. Employers compliment him on his courage and say that he is a transformational influence in their companies. Co-workers tell him that he has changed how they view people on the spectrum. And, do you know what? All he had to do was tell the truth... You will be okay. You're obviously very smart and you have tremendous capacity. If I were you, I'd work very hard on the bitterness and consider getting some help. But, you'll be fine. And for the love of all that is holy, don't let others change your opinion on yourself. Few people understand autism, but that's their problem, not yours. Be safe and if you need a friend, my email is in my profile. |
No, I'm not very confrontational and in general I've learnt to act normal very well. If you met me at a meetup or something you probably wouldn't guess I'm autistic at all. I've honestly spent years working on my social skills and it's paid of quite well.
In interviews the issue really only comes in when I'm asked really vague questions like, "what gets you excited?" I don't really know how to answer those kind of questions so I start stumbling. I also have the same problem with certain technical questions. I was asked to explain regexs recently and I find that very hard because I struggle translating the conceptual ideas in my into words.
Also when I'm in an office I get quickly tired of pretending to be normal. If I'm having a rough day I don't have the energy to pull it off and then problems start cropping up.
I don't know your friend, but we sound different honestly. I pick up things insanely quick. Things like programming and maths just make sense to me. I don't need to get into special programmes because when working on my own I know I can out perform the majority of people. My issue is 100% with other people judging me for not being able to understand irrelevant things to my work such as social etiquettes and my slightly unusual methods of explaining myself.
I guess what I'm saying is that I'm annoyed at the suggestion that I need special programs. Growing up I always loved being autistic because it made be able to do cool things like teach myself to code. I was always in top sets for subjects like physics, maths, etc and I was one of the strongest developers on my course in college and university.
I don't need help, I just need people to be understanding that some people like to be left alone and take a little longer to figure out a good way to express themselves. My issue has always been that people don't like that I'm anti-social and they don't have time for my less eloquent explanations.
Edit: Additionally, I do often say, "sorry I'm autistic" and ask for help. For example it's very common for me to say, "sorry I'm autistic, have I upset you?", or sometimes I will ask if they want me to stop talking. I find it very hard to read those things.
But in interviews I'd never mention I'm autistic. If I'm given a job I want to know it's because someone thinks I'm the best person for the role. I don't want sympathy. I just want people to stop being so judgemental towards me.