[ciconia]

I've just saw my father die of cancer a week ago. Fortunately, he did this at home and was cared for by his own family, right to the end.

I wouldn't describe this experience as sad or tragic. We knew for a while that the moment was coming. I was lucky enough to be with my dad when he took his last breath, and to have been able to say goodbye. I learned a lot about what to do and what not to do in the face of imminent death.

[incanus77]

Similar experience here. My otherwise perfectly healthy, vegan, athletic wife died of sporadic metastatic pancreatic cancer four months ago at age 36. She battled it for five months after discovery (this is how pancreatic cancer often works), and although it was an incredibly tough struggle, the fact that we both had lived with no regrets and taken the opportunities available to us (and made some new ones) helped when her time finally came. Although she was very ill the whole time, everything "at the end" happened inside of about four days. I didn't know until hours before that it actually was the end, and I'm not sure she ever did. But having lived well until that point somehow made it easier.

We knew it was terminal almost immediately from the outset, with a prognosis of a year if we were lucky, and we fought it with guns blazing the whole way while balancing a good quality of life during those months. In some small way, the duration of her fight was a blessing compared to some other cases I've heard (less than a month from diagnosis to death, or a terrible quality of life for a year or two).

Just as with my grieving now, everyone's handling of their own and their loved ones' preparedness for death is different and based on their own unique circumstances. I am glad that Pieter has shared his.

[kilroy123]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[DougN7]

Went through the same thing 14 months ago. I often think about that poem "Do not go gentle into that good night"... and contrast it's theme with my father's and our family's calm acceptance of the inevitable. It was hard and sad, but peaceful with a tremendous amount of love all around near the end.

[FungalRaincloud]

Personally, I take finding peace and love in your last moments as a way of raging against the dying of the light.

[woliveirajr]

I'd love if you could share, someday, the list of what to do / not to do. Thanks for your writing... And sorry for your loss.