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The older I get, the more I believe that what makes a partner likeable, kind, successful, and attractive is the amount of effort you put into getting to know them and to support them. When I first met my future wife 35 years ago, she was stunningly beautiful. She worked for a time as an underwear model in fact. Now her appearance is what is sometimes called "matronly" but she's even more beautiful to me than she was when we were teenagers. And interestingly enough, I'm still learning things about her 35 years later. She is the most fascinating person I know. Has it always been that way? Nope. Regrettably, there were stretches of years that I neglected to pay attention to her, and it took a toll on us both. In the past five or six years, I have redoubled my efforts to pay attention to the little things, and we're both better off for it, I think. And to bring it back to the article, she rejected me for a good five years before I really got anywhere with her. Not that I stalked her, but we ran in overlapping social circles and periodically I would try again. I finally figured out a way to gain her trust and interest. (Again, she had no shortage of suitors, so it was kind of like trying to get the New Yorker or Atlantic to publish your piece.) The rejection never deterred me from trying again when I saw an opening, but I did always change my approach. We ended up in the same college class - again, mere chance, no stalking - and that's when she finally opened up to me a little. Still, it was years later before we married, and we both had other relationships during those years. Meanwhile, yes, I dated a lot, and was in a couple of "serious" relationships during that time, so there was some quantity over quality there. I will say that as I've gotten older, were something to happen where I was suddenly single again, the idea of "quality" has changed tremendously from when I was younger. The same is true with my tastes in writing. |