[Snowalker]

I tried an honest conversation but he is back to his old habits. I like to see him happy and I like him to feel unrestricted but he watches these teenagers everyday and some of them speak pretty bad and do bad stuff. All I want to keep him away from this.

[davismwfl]

I have an 18yo boy and 2 pre-teen daughters. Kids will do what you allow them to do, youtube isn't the issue cause he'd just find a different site/game etc.

I am no yard stick for anyone to measure to, but I would suggest that your desire to have him feel unrestricted is the issue. Kids need boundaries, they need restrictions, they need discipline (not beatings, just rules and limits). Do they complain about it? Sure, they do. But they crave it, because without it there is no guidance to show them what is right and what is wrong. Also, how do they develop healthy habits unless you push them to have them and take away negative habits? They won't, they'll do what is fun and easy because most kids are all about instant gratification, although there are those that are just internally super self disciplined. I am pretty positive you don't let him write on walls or swear at adults or be disrespectful to you, so why is computer time different?

For my kids, they get a limited amount of electronic time per day, e.g. iPods, iPads, PC etc. For the pre-teens, they get no more then 90 minutes during the weekday and no more then 4 hours on a weekend day for "electronic" time. It may sound harsh, but that forces them to choose what they want to do with that time wisely. As the get older, I'll expand/adjust it. Also, I don't include them doing homework assignments in that time, that is always allowed. I also allow them to research something if they have a question etc, it isn't like I hammer them at the exact time, but it is a limit that they respect. And they always ask before starting up a PC etc. Even TV is monitored, but not strictly limited. But by doing so they choose to go outside and play, they choose to still make up games to play etc.

For my 18 year old, he had the same type of restrictions too, but as he got older they of course got less and less to the point I let him do what he wants now. He spends too much time in my opinion on youtube, hulu, netflix etc. But he has great grades and has a social life etc, plus now he's an adult with a new job and college coming soon, so he's gotta figure out some new balance.

[noobie]

I am not trying to tell you how to raise your children of course but here my two cents.

I am 21 and growing up my parents also limited my siblings and I's computer time. They'd go as far as hiding the mouse or the power cords. I don't blame them BUT at the time (14-18) I used the computer to experiment with programming and it seems like my peers who did the same but had "unlimited" access to a computer had a great headstart.

So I think the time kids spend on the computer should factor in what they use it for. I'd secretly monitor their activity to determine that.

[davismwfl]

It is a fair point which is why I allow them to use it for research or learning without many limits.

But honestly even if they started programming and doing that type of activity I'd still pull the plug on them daily at some point. I did to my son until he hit around 16-17.

Everything in moderation is generally ok or neutral. Anything to excess almost always comes at a price not worth paying.

Just my opinion of course but a computer can't teach you to deal with adversity or people. Sure you can read about it but doing is always a better teacher.

[kleer001]

sorry, I have to more than upvote this.

I wish my parents had subscribed to your stated model. As an adult I've had to scrape and twist to grow the kind of discipline I've seen lattice up great things. Friends, colleagues, lovers, teachers, the lot of them I've seen practice less or more discipline. And always the ones with more looked healthier, more content, creative and joyous. Then again we can't always rely on appearances.

Still, it's better than it could have been, my raising. No sour grapes.

"Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, Or what's a heaven for?" - Robert Browning

[Snowalker]

Thanks for putting so much in your comment, I really appreciate it especially since is coming from a parent.

Limiting him to electronics creates however another issue, it will get him bored - we have only one kid, what is he supposed to do?

I like seeing him happy and having fun but I also think he spends too much time in front of the computer though playing games will still be better than watching countless hours of Youtube since will help him think more instead of being passive starring at the screen.

Me and my wife we are always busy with something and this may be our mistake too.

[davismwfl]

Your welcome. There isn't always a one size fits all answer for kids. My oldest and I joke because I call him my practice kid, sad but funny and true.

It sounds like you maybe need to get your son involved with a group activity, sport, robotics, swimming or something. My son tried sports but never excelled, tried boy scouts etc but what finally clicked for him was we got him into a robotics/programming program and he has excelled. So you have to find what works. My wife and I are very busy too and it does help that the kids have siblings, but that isn't enough to keep them happy or to prevent them from killing each other. So we get the girls into sports, art classes, drama camps/clubs and one is doing a programming camp this summer.

My wife and I generally have a busy evening and weekend schedule working on a home projects or another property or whatever. We take the kids with us and make them learn and try stuff. I always let them bring something else to do too, cause it isn't fair in my eyes for a kid to work more then play, but they need a balance of both.

In the end, there is no wrong answer except to do nothing if you recognize it is an issue. You get only one shot at molding the human being growing up in your house. You'll figure it out, the fact you are concerned and asking the question shows you want to and care to make it better. Good luck!

[danieltiIlett]

>Kids need boundaries, they need restrictions, they need discipline. Do they complain about it? Sure, they do. But they crave it, because without it there is no guidance to show them what is right and what is wrong.

This approach just taught me to be paranoid, skilled at lying, and good at maintaining appearances.