[tptacek]

It is enough that you simply respect when someone tells you that your comments about their juggling or their cool new haircut is alienating, instead of freaking out about how you intended only to compliment them. That's all you have to do.

Nobody is asking you to memorize a dictionary of "microaggressions".

[jack-r-abbit]

I agree and if I was told something like that after my first interaction, I'd refrain. The problem is when the first time it happens it is met with a trip to HR, or public shaming on social media, or getting fired, or all of the above. Which is why we kind of are being asked to memorize a dictionary of microaggressions. Quite literally anything that comes out of a person's mouth has potential to offend someone. And when it does, they can get crucified for it. If we were allowed to ask people "why are you so quiet" we might actually get a fair number of people answering with "because I'd rather just not talk to you than risk offending you."

[tptacek]

To make this discussion meaningful, can you cite a case of someone being fired for making non-harassing comments about a coworker's appearance, interesting accent, surprising math talent, or anything else even remotely like the premise you've set up in your comment?

[jack-r-abbit]

Sorry, I can not cite a specific case of someone getting fired for one of those things.

Edit: The only thing I can think of is "dongle-gate" but that is likely to just go off into a tangent about what is or is not "non-harassing" and I kind of suspect we won't agree on that either so that is not going to be very productive.

[tptacek]

Based on what I understand about it, I think "dongle-gate" was an embarrassment for just about everyone involved. One company doing something fabulously stupid in response to some other stupid thing is not a good basis for a discussion of company policy.

[jack-r-abbit]

Let me see if I understand correctly. I think we both agree that firing someone for just one accidental "micro-aggression" would not be right... possibly even stupid. And you asked me to cite a case of that happening... or "anything else even remotely like" it. But then when I cite a case (admittedly not a great one) you reject it on the grounds that it is just one company doing something fabulously stupid. I am opting to disengage at this point because I don't really think you are interested in making this discussion meaningful. We'll just have to agree to disagree and leave it at that.