[k__]

Yes, same goes for my brother, but I don't know how much of it relies on premise, that they can't live without each other anymore, because their life's are so entangled.

I mean he is 31 and they came together when he was 16 and she was 15. They experienced their whole adult life together. They split for about 4 months but came together again, probably because of this.

On the other hand, I'm the complete opposite, so it's hard for me to understand.

I had my first relationship with 19 and we were together only one year. I'm 30 now and had about 7 relationships. Right now I have my two longest relationships of 2 and 2,5 years.

Maybe it's a good thing to get together with 15, so you make the most important experiences in life together, to weld you together more strongly.

When I started dating with 19 I already had many expectations and a own life, which needed another person to fit in somehow. And most didn't...

[Obi_Juan_Kenobi]

I've heard many people talk about a "two-year cliff". The exact date is immaterial, but for many there's a point in a relationship where it's going to continue a long time or die out. I think this plays a major role.

Basically, that's about how long it takes to really recognize people's patterns. Everyone has stuff like this, particular irrationalities and foibles that are, in general, not so good. The first time they happen, it's a new experience and you just deal with it. The next time it happens, there might be some added frustration and a sense of familiarity. The third or fourth, and you're really starting to get desperate if you haven't found a way to deal with it.

If you can recognize your partner's patterns and deal with them, you'll both benefit greatly. Sometimes it's like a switch has been flipped and you know with certainty that they're being irrational in their particular way. With some empathy and perhaps a little cleverness, you can deal with this effectively. However, if you miss your chance, the frustration kicks in with a vengeance. The same well-worn argument can feel inevitable and downright despairing.

I think most successful relationships deal with this through some combination of patience and empathy, but also with some good match-making. Some people are just better able to tolerate particular faults better than others.

[k__]

The best "pattern" we found, is, that we can talk about everything.

We reinvented these relationships multiple times, when something was wrong.

[cm2012]

I do always relate our relationship to two trees that grew together into one (only between us, though!)

Edit: I am also santaclause33, I had a different account logged in on mobile when I made the first post.

[ant6n]

Wait, you have two relationships right now?

[kough]

Welcome to the world of Berkeley-rational-polyamory! Overlaps more than you'd think with the HN crowd, I'm kind of surprised that you're surprised.

[k__]

Yes, for over 2 years now.

Both of those relationships are better than any one I got before.