[Obi_Juan_Kenobi]

I've heard many people talk about a "two-year cliff". The exact date is immaterial, but for many there's a point in a relationship where it's going to continue a long time or die out. I think this plays a major role.

Basically, that's about how long it takes to really recognize people's patterns. Everyone has stuff like this, particular irrationalities and foibles that are, in general, not so good. The first time they happen, it's a new experience and you just deal with it. The next time it happens, there might be some added frustration and a sense of familiarity. The third or fourth, and you're really starting to get desperate if you haven't found a way to deal with it.

If you can recognize your partner's patterns and deal with them, you'll both benefit greatly. Sometimes it's like a switch has been flipped and you know with certainty that they're being irrational in their particular way. With some empathy and perhaps a little cleverness, you can deal with this effectively. However, if you miss your chance, the frustration kicks in with a vengeance. The same well-worn argument can feel inevitable and downright despairing.

I think most successful relationships deal with this through some combination of patience and empathy, but also with some good match-making. Some people are just better able to tolerate particular faults better than others.

[k__]

The best "pattern" we found, is, that we can talk about everything.

We reinvented these relationships multiple times, when something was wrong.