[rtl49]

Why wouldn't one just call and avoid all this nonsense? It doesn't eliminate the wiles and ways by which we seek to gain the upper hand in a sapling relationship, but it does introduce a touch of humanity into the exchange which, in addition to being consoling, reduces wasted time and useless stress.

A call is an unambiguous yet still unstated expression of continued interest. Is the other party still interested? If the call is answered, you can tell from the tone of voice alone, and if there's uncertainty, the sound of your voice may be enough to tip the balance. What's better, broaching the difficult questions is less difficult on the phone: you don't need to ask explicitly what you would in text, nor need you come up with some lame quip or foist one of your few common experiences to have a conversation. If there's no answer, leave a message -- at the very least, you're not likely to be ignored.

This approach has the added benefit of distinguishing yourself from your texting, cowardly competitors.

Neither method is as good as a face-to-face encounter, but at least this way you reduce the risk of miscommunication or one of those alienating situations where the next-day text goes unanswered.

[greggman]

You are probably right but in general ever since texting became a thing I neve call anyone anymore until after I've texted. I don't mean dates I mean everyone. I know this is not objective, I grew up without texts and used to call people all the time. Now though it just seems rude. I might be interrupting, they might be busy, it might be the worst possible time to call, maybe they're driving, maybe they're in a movie and forgot to turn off their phone. With that kind of thinking in my head it feels rude. I first text, ask if it's a good time to call, call.

[ryandrake]

If someone texts me and it looks like they are looking for 1. an immediate response 2. that's not either "yes" or "no, then I simply call them. Call me old, but I'm not going to sit there trying to type out War and Peace on a keys measured in millimeters.

I'm not worried about intruding with a "rude" call. If they're texting in a situation where they're expected to be paying attention to something else, then they're already the ones being rude.

[rtl49]

I think this approach would reduce one's probability of a successful outcome. It may actually be preferable that the call be somewhat unexpected, because receiving a call, particularly at this point in history, is a bit disarming.

[greggman]

You could be right on that. My feeling is either they're interested or they're not. If they are interesting they'll be happy to hear from me. If they're not I'm not interested in trying to change their mind.

[pc86]

> Why wouldn't one just call and avoid all this nonsense?

Because if you're trying to take out a 20-something that you've only had passing interaction with, texting is the socially acceptable way to do it. You don't just call.

[rtl49]

As such a 20-something, I can attest that this is not universally true.

[cgriswald]

Are you a male 20-something or a female 20-something?

The male 20-somethings I know are largely chill and don't really care how a woman reaches out.

The female 20-somethings I know (both as friends and as romantic partners), on the other hand, universally prefer a text. They feel a phone call puts them on the spot; they call it "awkward" or "weird". In most cases, they'll only accept the phone call if they're already into the guy. If they're unsure about the guy, he's probably ensured he's going to get a negative response.

And, of course, this is probably not universally true of all female 20-somethings, but if you are courting, it's better to play the game by the numbers.

After the initial courting phase, I've found things to be a bit different and more dependent upon the individual. That's the time to show your own preferences rather than play the game.

[alienasa]

> In most cases, they'll only accept the phone call if they're already into the guy. If they're unsure about the guy, he's probably ensured he's going to get a negative response.

Counterpoint: this is self selection mechanism in itself. I don't want to be dating the person who can't handle getting a phone call without it being "awkward" or "weird".

Playing the game by the numbers is only worthwhile if your goal is ephemeral (i.e. to "score"). If your goal is to have a lasting meaningful relationship, then who cares what the numbers are. Be yourself.

> After the initial courting phase, I've found things to be a bit different and more dependent upon the individual. That's the time to show your own preferences rather than play the game.

If your preferences matter to you, use them as a selection methodology or you're just wasting time.

[cgriswald]

People are not constant in every phase of a relationship. All those 20-something females I mentioned like phone calls later in the relationship.

By applying your selection criteria during the initial phase you're not really applying it to them at all. You're just limiting your chances of success, very severely.

[mettamage]

I disagree, while it is important to be aware of social cues, this way of thinking would limit one's options too much. It is too binary for starters. Not all women and men are like this. Secondly, one can impose his/her own frame from time to time. If one really believes that texting is the only social acceptable thing to do, then that person gives any power he/she has away without even 'negotiating' with the other person.

It's like politics. Some people wouldn't even pick up the phone and only respond to texts (they vote for party A). Some people only call (they vote for party B). Yet, a lot of people have a tendency towards one or the other but essentially they're in the middle. And everyone knows you can influence swing voters. And I think everyone should know that you can influence most other people. So if one loves to call, then I'd suggest he/she picks up the phone and call. If one loves to text, then he/she should text. But one should always be too wary of adapting to others too fast if the manner of communication gives more stress than positivity.

Simple :) You can trust a metta mage on this one ;)

[NumberCruncher]

>> Why wouldn't one just call and avoid all this nonsense?

Because it is easier to come up with dozens of arguments for texting than having the balls to ask someone out on the phone.

>> This approach has the added benefit of distinguishing yourself from your texting, cowardly competitors.

True words.