> Why wouldn't one just call and avoid all this nonsense?
Because if you're trying to take out a 20-something that you've only had passing interaction with, texting is the socially acceptable way to do it. You don't just call.
Are you a male 20-something or a female 20-something?
The male 20-somethings I know are largely chill and don't really care how a woman reaches out.
The female 20-somethings I know (both as friends and as romantic partners), on the other hand, universally prefer a text. They feel a phone call puts them on the spot; they call it "awkward" or "weird". In most cases, they'll only accept the phone call if they're already into the guy. If they're unsure about the guy, he's probably ensured he's going to get a negative response.
And, of course, this is probably not universally true of all female 20-somethings, but if you are courting, it's better to play the game by the numbers.
After the initial courting phase, I've found things to be a bit different and more dependent upon the individual. That's the time to show your own preferences rather than play the game.
> In most cases, they'll only accept the phone call if they're already into the guy. If they're unsure about the guy, he's probably ensured he's going to get a negative response.
Counterpoint: this is self selection mechanism in itself. I don't want to be dating the person who can't handle getting a phone call without it being "awkward" or "weird".
Playing the game by the numbers is only worthwhile if your goal is ephemeral (i.e. to "score"). If your goal is to have a lasting meaningful relationship, then who cares what the numbers are. Be yourself.
> After the initial courting phase, I've found things to be a bit different and more dependent upon the individual. That's the time to show your own preferences rather than play the game.
If your preferences matter to you, use them as a selection methodology or you're just wasting time.
People are not constant in every phase of a relationship. All those 20-something females I mentioned like phone calls later in the relationship.
By applying your selection criteria during the initial phase you're not really applying it to them at all. You're just limiting your chances of success, very severely.
I disagree, while it is important to be aware of social cues, this way of thinking would limit one's options too much. It is too binary for starters. Not all women and men are like this. Secondly, one can impose his/her own frame from time to time. If one really believes that texting is the only social acceptable thing to do, then that person gives any power he/she has away without even 'negotiating' with the other person.
It's like politics. Some people wouldn't even pick up the phone and only respond to texts (they vote for party A). Some people only call (they vote for party B). Yet, a lot of people have a tendency towards one or the other but essentially they're in the middle. And everyone knows you can influence swing voters. And I think everyone should know that you can influence most other people. So if one loves to call, then I'd suggest he/she picks up the phone and call. If one loves to text, then he/she should text. But one should always be too wary of adapting to others too fast if the manner of communication gives more stress than positivity.
Simple :) You can trust a metta mage on this one ;)