[cm2012]

In general, I disagree. In many, many relationships, while the husband earns the money, the women gets final say in what's spent where. While this isn't the rule, it's certainly not uncommon (and popular culture, IE sitcoms, movies, etc pretty much purely reinforce this).

You could say that the scenario where the husband holds tight to the purse strings and the woman only goes along with it because of fear or anxiety that the woman is forced to be infantilized. But I would guess this is sub 10% of marriages in the US.

On a separate note, I think a useful framework for looking at this is to think of the couple as one entity with two parts, rather than as two separate entities. If the entity is split, it's definitely true that the one that can't provide for itself is at a disadvantage, so it takes a lot of trust. But that's also why there are divorce settlements that favor women that gave up working at some point.

[goodJobWalrus]

I'm speaking purely from a personal level. Maybe it's cultural. I have grown up in a country where women work, so I never met a housewife. It would really be hard for me to feel independent while asking my husband for the pocket money.

The few housewives I met later in life were quite infantilized compared to working women I know.

[cm2012]

According to Slate's tool here, only 9% of married couples have only separate bank accounts (the situation where you have to ask your husband for pocket money if you don't have a job) : http://www.slate.com/articles/life/home_economics/2011/01/ou...

[robryan]

Interesting, we have always had a system where we contribute to joint expenses in a joint account but otherwise keep our own accounts.

It certainly avoids that situation in the article where the husband is resentful about an amount spent from joint finances.

[goodJobWalrus]

My husband and I have a joint bank account. I still don't feel that money he earns is my money.

[ssmoot]

But do you feel like the money you earn is "yours" then?

I think maybe that's the disconnect. I don't feel the money I earn "belongs to me". Same for my wife. I don't set my own priorities and budgets. We discuss them.

We're definitely not perfect, and I've definitely bought things that irked her and vice versa. But the joint account means just that. Unless it comes in a birthday card or something, money goes in to a pool. I don't keep a running balance, negative or positive in my head for my contribution.

[goodJobWalrus]

No, I'm cool with sharing my money, and having a concept of our money. I'm just not cool with being incapable of making my own money. Put it any way you want, but it makes you dependent.

I think it's not an accident that every person I know that is not making their own money is frustrated because of it. Again it might be just my cultural conditioning, or my personality, not sure.