[gammafactor]

I never understood this stigma about hermits/social isolation in western societies. In the east, it's much more accepted.

Reading this piece I got the impression that the writer and persons interviewed were HORRIFIED by what they discovered. It seemed to me as if "having friends" was pretty fucking high in their list-of-important-things-in-life.

I was very amused by this, almost started laughing in fact. Human relationships are not for everyone I'd say, in fact there are many healthy people that view them as pointless waste of time at best.

Technology will solve this little problem once and for all, in this century. I won't go as far as AGI but when house keeping robots become ubiquitous which is surely less than 20 years down the road, society at large will have to evolve and primitive points of view as described in this nytimes piece will basically disappear.

[supersan]

Yes, maybe it applies to China but definitely not to India.

We put a very high price on family and relatives. Nepotism is rampant here, and people can go to any extent to help/protect their family. I think people in West put the same high value on their friends wrt to family (I think but I could be very wrong about it because of the little exposure I've had).

Funny story. In a recent seminar on road safety the speaker asked the audience "Who here will report their mother to the police if she was involved in a hit and run".

Only three hands stood up out of the whole crowd and all three were Americans. Now while it is admirable, everyone was just shocked that somebody would think of doing that to their own mother. It's just isn't the part of our culture but at least from that anecdote I think it may not be that big of a deal from to a westerner.

[hitekker]

I once heard someone say "You can give everyone else but yourself a soul." While I don't really know what that means, I think of it whenever I'm by myself for long durations (3-4 months on average).

[omarchowdhury]

I think what it means is that the light of your presence or attention illumines another's being, but I don't think agree that that very light can't be turned toward yourself.

[sridca]

> I never understood this stigma about hermits/social isolation in western societies. In the east, it's much more accepted.

In east it is much more accepted? Where exactly in the east? At least from where I come from (southern state in India), being a loner -- especially a loner male -- is seen to be socially unworthy. I know one male relative, that had been divorced and never married since then, who is generally looked down by all of extended family.

Being a hermit with religious/spiritual affiliations on the other hand is different thing entirely. Normal people from my country are expected to fulfill their social responsibilities and duties which, for the men-folk, means supporting their families (women and children) ... and this is far from being accepted as a socially isolated person.

Why, every time I visit my folks in India, our relatives are quick to point out the apparent (to them) deficiency in my life just because I don't have a marital partner to spend my life with (for the Western folks here, they continue to see me as that "lonely old man sitting in the park bench").

[gammafactor]

I'm chinese and was mostly referring to my country. I know there are places like Japan and maybe as you said India where this does not apply.

EDIT:

It's also funny that you mentioned the spiritual angle.

I've studied Advaita for many years (and still practice it) and there is something to be said about the various holy men who practice it. In the case of Nisargadatta, for instance, he had a wife and kids that he immediately abandoned once he met sri sadguru sidarameshwar maharaj and fully commited to that path.

If you read his books (highly recommended) you will discover a man that lives in absolute bliss. It's like a huge weight has been lifted off of his shoulders, and I don't just mean his family (more like the burden of having to interact with society at large).

It's interesting to me how this is "accepted" in India but a person acting in exactly the same ways minus the spiritual angle is treated far differently. If that is not social conditioning I don't know what is.

[sridca]

People rarely acknowledge that a significant portion of their identity is a result of social conditioning (or indoctrination as you bluntly put it in another comment).

The act of seeking of approval, in particular, is the persistently amorphous result of a society shaping/ strengthening/ controlling the underlying instinctual passions (of fear and desire and nurture) over decades. Most people even in individualistic societies will fight to death their right to defend their internalizing of this brainwashing.

You may notice that a lot of spiritual beliefs too fall under the similar umbrella. If not, I invite you to this rabbit hole: http://www.actualfreedom.com.au

[camkego]

He returned to his wife and kids after 1-2 years.