[EdSharkey]

I like your comment too, and I want to build exactly the tension between my kids and me that you had with your parents. First, there are studies about screen time, it's not anecdotal that too much screen time hurts a kid's creativity/imagination and can be linked to childhood obesity and trouble sleeping.

What your parents did, that you (rightly) resented as a kid, was to make you value your time. It made you get creative, and it forced you to concentrate and maximize your leisure time. You were a maker, not a consumer, right from the start. Whether you became a professional software developer or not as an adult doesn't matter.

Your parents did a great job in my opinion, and you no longer resent what they did! Win, win!

[nemo1618]

I should clarify that what I described in my post took place during adolescence (age 10+), not childhood. The case for restricting screen use during childhood is more clear.

>It made you get creative, and it forced you to concentrate and maximize your leisure time.

Creative in coming up with ways to evade authority, perhaps. I was intensely paranoid of my parents discovering me on the computer. It sure was great having my adrenaline spike every half hour or so whenever I heard my mother's footsteps on the stairs. That sort of dynamic is hardly conducive to creative work. Instead, I gravitated towards short-form games, and I mastered the art of Alt-Tabbing. That's how I learned to "maximize my leisure time." I rarely risked playing long-form team-based games with my friends (e.g. StarCraft, DotA) because getting kicked off the computer meant letting my whole team down.

My parents did not succeed in reducing the amount of time I spent on the computer. They succeeded only in causing me to associate the computer with feelings of guilt, shame, and resentment; they succeeded in convincing me that there was something wrong with me.

Look, I'm not a parent, so I am missing some perspective. I understand that parents are people too, with full-time jobs and myriad other responsibilities; they don't always have time to sit down and connect with their kids. Overall, it seems incredibly difficult to instill proper values in a child without also instilling some neuroses along the way. That is why I am able to forgive my parents. But forgiving them does not mean that I agree with their actions. They fell into the old trap -- "People fear what they do not understand" -- and their knee-jerk reaction was to treat me like a drug addict, subjecting me to verbal abuse, constant monitoring, and the occasional "this-time-we're-serious" intervention. You can do better.

[EdSharkey]

I was raised catholic, so I hear you on instilled neuroses.

I think your parents' success lies in their making the screen a finite/precious resource for you. Whatever their motives, and however inartful they were, it still had the outcome of making you choosy and resourceful. Sure you might be a bit type-a on some things today as a result, but at least you have an idea why that is.

I dunno ... Given how bad most people appear to be at parenting, I'd say on the whole you scored.

Did you wind up with a good paying job? Would you say you are faring better than a majority of your peers? I'd say if you can get out of your 20's debt free, you'll be a model person.

[nemo1618]

Perhaps. I won't argue that my parents, on the whole, raised me very well. I wasn't aware of this at all until I had some distance from them, and heard about/experienced other people's parents, who tended to fall into either "helicopter" or "absent."

I left college to start a company (a decision that, I note, my parents were incredibly supportive of), and I have no debt. I wouldn't consider myself a model person; I don't take very good care of my body, I have poor work/life separation, and I am currently wallowing in mild depression. I think too much and do too little. But on the whole, I have a solid base to build upon, and I can thank my parents for that.

Thanks for the perspective. I had internalized a lot of these issues and never tried to lay them all out, so this was therapeutic.

[EdSharkey]

Ok, good. Take care buddy! That's impressive you have a business and no debt, seriously. Hang your hat on that one.

Anyhow, I got on eHarmony and after 6 months of searching, I found my wife and cleared my mild depression right up. ;) Gave me an excuse to look after the appearance, health, etc. Check it out, their matching algorithm is really good and it's not a meat market like the other dating sites.