[chipsy]

I was allowed many hours on the computer(albeit often having to take turns with my brother), but I concur that the emotional labor of listening and understanding is the number one thing my parents never "got." As I got older, their vicarious-living tendencies became more obvious - they wanted me doing things they personally liked and that was the farthest they could see.

That would be fine, but if it wasn't on their radar of likes, they saw no reason to bring it up or discuss it - and if I brought it up, they had a pattern of dismissal with no pledge of support or further discussion - sometimes using the Grave Serious tone, sometimes using the Explanatory, That's Nice, or Maybe Later tone. If I escalated or presented work to them, they would categorize it as a "career", "hobby" or "skill development" and position it relative to their preferred activities in a way which induced anxiety and discouraged me from continuing. The only thing I wanted was basic interest or acknowledgement, and they consistently messed that up by wheeling every conversation directly towards their comfort zone. To this day, if I try to talk about a personal issue, they rush to provide unsolicited solutions and explanations. I finally managed to unlearn the explaining pattern myself as I got into my later 20's, as my friends brought it to light.

So, at least at that time, I gave up on parental engagement and hid my life away in the computer instead, since at least there were people online, while weathering the (relatively mild, compared with others) storms of their own fancy. So too, I think, is the role of all of today's devices - when the family doesn't care, the screen fills in. It's a symptom.

I think it's right to set down rules at an early age. That is one thing I think my parents did do right, and the early years are probably more crucial overall. But they had no idea how to proceed from there - kids aren't going to be exactly like their parents, and that requires a lot of listening when they get into adolescence and try to speak for themselves.

[sandgaw]

The thing that people are missing is, tech is being used as a baby sitter. Just like TV was for me. Now it's worse because It's always connected. Parents are fucking lazy today. I see it constantly. It's about being connected to your kid that I'm for. That's fucking hard and people don't want to do hard today when they come home from work. They would rather sit and watch their own shit on their device because parenting is hard. Just look around the mall, airport or a dinner table. We're not talking about 12 year olds. These kids are 2, 4, 5, 7 and 9, etc... Their brains are developing and technology, scientifically proven, gets in the way of brain development- just like TV and video games in my gen. It's not bad, in moderation, just like everything else in this world. So, it's not about the tech it's about the family. My 9 yr old kid reads 5-10 books a week. She looses herself in her books to the point she can't hear anyone. Learning, safely, for the most part. Using her imagination instead of it being fed to her by the vast majority of the shit out there. she gets to play learning and thinking games, not fruit ninja. What has changed from my gen is being connected 24/7 has giving adults an easy way out from doing something hard. I fucking want yell at a parent who is out to dinner with 2,3,4 year olds at the table playing with an iPad. While the parent is buried in their own. I limited the tech not because it's tech, trendy and cool to do so but, because we want our kids to be able to communicate with other human beings and the ability resolve conflict through something other than a text or Facebook. They will have plenty of opportunities to be immersed into technology and all troublesome things that come with it as a teen.

I know technology is empowering at the right age. But, I want both my kids to be exposed to cooking, knitting, skateboarding, swimming, playing sports, books, music and art by actually doing it versus it being fed to them on an iPad. If either one of them wants to learn a different programming language than me, I hope the fact that I've connected with my kid so we will be able to discover it together.

Bottom line, Generation Z is being raise by Apple, Samsung and Amazon. As a parent, I'm not OK with this.

[nemo1618]

For the most part I agree with your sentiment. You make a good point about the parents being as sucked into technology as their kids.

Regarding books though...is a book objectively "better" entertainment than a video game? Both require user participation, as opposed to the mindless consumption of television. There are low-quality games, but there are low-quality books as well. I'm inclined to agree that books are better, but I'm having a hard time justifying that belief.

[sandgaw]

@ nemo1618 I agree, books can be bad, too. We try to monitor what they read, but it's just as hard. They are going to sneak and hide the ones we don't want them to read - human nature. But, as a connected parent, I make it priority, even for just literally a few minutes, to sit down and ask about what she is reading. That way, she knows I'm participating. It makes a big difference. And, we do struggle with her reading constantly.. we get her out and go for a walk, bug hunts, etc.

The downside to a connected parent? I see one TV show a week with my wife, I'm tired, the laundry piles up and the living space is a lot dirtier.

Back to the point, I feel we are both making: It doesn't matter the medium, too much of one thing is bad. But, it's so much easier to put 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 year olds in front of devices, because it's easy parenting. By the time they are 7, they won't want to read - it'll be too boring.