[mikekchar]

You make 2 interesting statements:

- I realised I was a mediocre programmer

- ... (I) find that my desire is driven by fear ...

The first is a good feeling :-) Too many programmers don't have this realisation. Embrace it!

The second is something that worries me slightly. All of the programmers that I know who are driven by fear let it chase them into failure. Getting the "joy of tinkering back" is what you need. Forget the "ever changing rules". Chase what you love and forget about the rest.

Now for some specific advice. You are at a level now where you need to integrate your knowledge, not learn bits and pieces. Stop everything else you are doing and start a major project that will occupy your time for the next year or so. It doesn't matter what it is, only that it is something you love. This will help you more than anything else.

[amelius]

> Getting the "joy of tinkering back" is what you need.

That would be pretty hard if you'd be working on a 20+ year old legacy system written in COBOL.

[mseebach]

First - why not? Apply fantasy.

Second, that doesn't subtract from the advice being correct. Sometimes the thing you need to do is just "pretty hard". Or, put reversely, if you never do things just because they are hard, don't be surprised when you end up in a boring and uninspiring place.

[tonyedgecombe]

Then it's all about the domain.