[Bahamut]

This sounds like you are depressed - please see a counselor, for your own good.

The road to being a successful software engineer is paved with failure. I failed to get accepted to an Ivy League (or equivalent) for undergrad. I had a failed relationship affect my graduate studies and partly ended up dropping out of a prestigious PhD program in math as a result. It took me 2.5 years to find a first full time job afterwards. And yet, I became a senior frontend engineer in under 2 years despite my failures - the important part is that I maximized the lessons learned from all of my failures.

Failure is natural - what you do when faced with failure is what defines us.