[xahrepap]

Foster parent here (from another state than in the article).

I'm going to go a bit off topic, but I want to comment on this snippet:

> [The kids had been eating] [o]nly cereal, for the past few days. That's not going to kill anyone, obviously. But if you're arresting parents for not supervising their kids for 90 minutes, it's more than a little hypocritical.

There's probably a good reason for that: the foster parents couldn't get the kids to eat anything else! Perhaps they were really nervous and uncomfortable? When I'm nervous, it's hard to eat other foods like vegetables and meats. Sometimes cereal is all I can stomach. I could only imagine how those poor, confused kids felt.

We were trained to feed the kids what they would eat. That means if they want a hot dog every night, you give them a freaking hot dog every night. Sometimes keeping the kid within whatever is left of their comfort zone is more important than good nutrition. As time goes on, you start mixing things up and start giving them better food. But out the gate, the most important thing is to help the kids feel comfortable.

People like the author of this article seem to love to paint foster parents in a bad light. They have this weird mentality I don't understand. They don't care about the facts, they're just looking for anything to make everyone from the state to look like incompetent scum. Look even at this quote:

> The kids are attending "play" therapy.

Maybe it's because the whole article is horribly negative and lacking any kind of reference (even all the names are made up to "protect the innocent" or whatever), but I feel like that is sarcasm. And the sarcasm in that sentence demonstrates how much the author doesn't know. "Play" therapy is a real thing, and it really helps the kids. It's not some crazy witchcraft the state thought up. The kids might've been "normal" before this all happened, but it's important to get kids in this situation (even the ones that weren't abused/neglected/etc, like the children in the article) to make sure they're getting the help that they need to cope with the CURRENT situation. We always try to get our foster kids in play therapy, even if they act completely "normal" and understanding of everything. The thing I don't want is to think the kid is okay and then find out they've been holding it all back.

[neilcrj]

> The thing I don't want is to think the kid is okay and then find out they've been holding it all back.

Great insight. Kids at that age are looking for parental/adult approval and they know that the adults around them want them to be "okay." They can hide a lot of emotions if they think they'll be loved more for being "normal."

[EGreg]

The CURRENT situation makes the kids worse off in the name of making them better? I'd rather take having my parents late without keys for 90 minutes than being taken away from my family by force and have to grow up who knows where at age 10. And these kids from broken families then do worse in life. No offense to foster parents, there is a great need to take kids in after REAL disasters where THEY want to leVe - ones where the parents are actually unfit or dead. When does leaving a kid to play in a yard the equivalent of being an angry drunk who beats your kid?

[xahrepap]

I struggle to find in my comment where I say that's okay.

> No offense to foster parents, there is a great need to take kids in after REAL disasters

None taken, but you seem to think foster parents are somehow involved in the removal process. Here's how it really works:

-Phone rings -Hello Mr. Foster, I have 3 siblings that I need to place. [Description of what they know]. Do you think this would be a good fit for your family? -Yes -Thank you. Can you pick them up at [location]?

I have no chance to say, "sorry, I believe you shouldn't have removed them. Please send them home." I mean, I can say that. But it wouldnt do any good. only the judge can make that call (in my state). I will, however, have an opportunity to expressy opinion based on how I feel after talking with the kid(s) over a period of time.

Obviously what is described in this article is a horrible situation. All I'm saying is that the way they describe the foster parent feeding the kids only cereal is most likely not hypocritical or even a problem. It's more likely them focusing on getting the kid to eat anything.

[EGreg]

Oh, I see. If that's all you were saying then I wasn't responding to that. And I didn't mean to imply that the foster parents are responsible for the kids being taken away. Although it is good to know the foster parents can really have a voice in the process after talking with the kid, who may insist that they want to be back home.

I'm just saying the SYSTEM seems broken if one phonecall from a stranger can turn average parents into felons and kids into effectively orphans.

[xahrepap]

At least where I live, as the case progresses and the foster parents create a bond with the kids, they really take what the foster parents say in heavy consideration. Especially if the kids have been assigned a good Guardian Ad Litem (the child's own lawyer).

The system can be broken. This is something that's governed very differently between states. And some states are far more broken than others. I think Utah (where I live) has a very good system (one of the few government programs I've learned a lot about and haven't been frustrated with how my tax dollars are spent). The numbers I'm familiar with say that 66% of all cases end with the kids going home with the parents. However, another statistic that makes that number much more impressive is that 75% of all cases, meth is involved in the home. So the state really works hard with the biological parents and places a heavy emphasis on reunification (as long as the kids will be safe from illegal activities) and the bio parents get a lot of government supported rehab no matter what the case is (ranging from parenting classes to alcohol/drug rehab). If you do the math, that means a lot of parents are successfully getting the rehab they need to they can support their children. I think that's impressive.