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We know that you don't know what works, that's why you're asking. It's ok for you not to know, and it's ok for me to point out your not knowing is the reason you're not where you want to be, as opposed to pretending there's something inherently wrong with you. The thing in your way is that you don't know, not that you're inherently wrong, and you can improve what you don't know. Correct, you don't know because you don't have experience, and it's not a chicken and egg problem because experience is not "successful experience" experience is trying, and you can hack that by your willingness to try. People who have a lot of experience, tried a lot of times. Gradually they get more effective, yet it's like training neural networks, everything works better with a LOT of data. So get out there and get experience. Try, try talking, try asking people out, try being at ease, and you will learn what works for you. I'm still learning. One hack I used when I was nervous to talk to someone was, I knew what I wanted to say and just too scared to say it, so I'd count to three in my head an force myself to say it. Literally like jumping into water, just force the air out my lungs and mouth to work. Once you're over that first utterance, it's easier. And the more times you practise that, the less hard it is to do.
And even better, the more times you listen to your feelings about what you want to say, the more those feelings give you cool stuff to say, and the more clearly you know them. So there's plenty you can do, the important thing is just to start. |