[paulsutter]

I say thank you often, and every single time it's because I feel gratitude. This guy is doing it wrong.

> After moving to America, it took me several years to say thanks to people without actually meaning it. Putting “thank you” on the tip of my tongue, ready to escape at a moment’s notice, rather than extracting it from the depths of my heart, was one of the hardest language lessons I had to learn in the United States.

[bane]

I completely agree. I was raised to say "please" and "thank you", not because it's makes me look good, but because it's showing appreciation, gratitude and empathy for the other person's work on your behalf. Politeness is about empathy, not self-aggrandizing.

I've been told more than once that just being polite to a cashier or a waiter has turned bad days they were having around. Treating other people decently is its own reward.

[ajuc]

You feel gratitude when you receive change from the shop clerk and say "thanks, bye"?

I guess the word "gratitude" is routinely badly translated, too, in that case.

[learnstats2]

> You feel gratitude when you receive change from the shop clerk and say "thanks, bye"?

I know that many people are saying this robotically, but I personally feel genuinely grateful that the shop clerk has chosen to do this, and that they typically do a good job - providing me with a good level of service that greatly benefits me.

I recognise that it is not a fun job and that clerks often have to suffer poor conditions and that if I had to do that job, I would be mind-numbed with boredom.

So, I look the shop clerk in the eye and give my thanks fully and properly. It's obvious that it's appreciated and it's obvious that few other people are taking any time to genuinely thank shop clerks.

[wazari972]

that's what I think as well:

- thanks for doing your job correctly, in a manner I appreciate/have nothing to complain against

- thanks because you're not a machine, whereas many people may disdain you and act like they're facing a machine

- thanks because I don't want do give you orders, it's your job to serve me, but nonetheless I don't command you

[icebraining]

It's obvious that it's appreciated

Not around here, it isn't. I tried that three times, giving up after getting a mix of disinterest and hostility.

Which frankly confirms my instincts, I only tried because I've learned not to assume that my preferences match the general public's.

[pessimizer]

> Not around here, it isn't. I tried that three times, giving up after getting a mix of disinterest and hostility.

Someone physically and/or verbally attacked you for thanking them? That's the only negative outcome that I can imagine, and what I'm reading when you say "hostility."

Lack of interest seems a typical result - are you expecting to be thanked for thanking people? Theoretically, that forms a chain never ends. I thank everyone for everything that they do for me; sometimes they reply with "you're welcome", sometimes our 'thank-you's collide because while I'm thanking them for their service, they're thanking me for my patronage, sometimes I get a smile, often I get no indication that I've said anything.

None of those are failures, because the goal was for me to thank people, not to be praised for thanking people.

[icebraining]

Let me make myself clear, I always thank people. What I did those days was to be mindful and sincere instead of thanking in auto-pilot.

Someone physically and/or verbally attacked you for thanking them? That's the only negative outcome that I can imagine, and what I'm reading when you say "hostility."

Attack seems too strong, but an hostile tone, yes. More than once.

My goal wasn't to be praised, but I did have a goal of actually causing a positive effect on others; I have no interest in "good deeds" that help no one except the performer to feel proud about himself.

Considering that all signs indicated I was actually bothering people, I stopped, as I think anyone should.

[learnstats2]

While I show you respect for your effort, you could try it 3 times per day. If you feel genuinely grateful, I recommend that you try more.

Some people don't appreciate it; some people think you are being ungenuine; some people don't notice or care; some people find it uncomfortable that you're choosing to break the social code; some people are confused by that. Yes, you're right.

So what? Are you giving thanks because you want a service worker to validate you, or because you are grateful to the other person and you want to show your appreciation?

I interact with many store clerks more than once and, on the second occasion, I want them to know clearly that I wasn't pretending when I gave thanks the first time. A majority appreciate it.

[icebraining]

So what? Are you giving thanks because you want a service worker to validate you, or because you are grateful to the other person?

Neither, if I give thanks it's to improve the other person's day. Giving thanks just because I'm grateful, regardless if the other person will appreciate or be annoyed, is just being selfish - making myself feel more virtuous without actually improving anyone's life.

I interact with many store clerks more than once

Ah, yes, I also have a friendly relationship with a couple of people, like the corner store owner, and I thank them habitually. I was speaking about people I only interact with once or rarely.

[paulsutter]

Every time I say thanks, I mean it.

My first job was selling cokes at football games when I was 12. One dollar for each tray I sold, and I'd carry it to the top of the stands. Yeah I'm grateful when someone serves me.

[kissickas]

Not OP but I feel gratitude towards them when they're able to do the math quickly, act like they have a purpose at work and smile or make eye contact at some point. Plenty of cashiers don't pass this bar and don't get a "thank you."

I appreciate a friendly and frictionless transaction /because/ it fails to happen so often.

[bane]

Yes. I also try to wish them to have a good day, genuinely.