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Dear You! Don't kill yourself. This one thing we all cannot escape, it's true. But don't rush to it. I've got diagnosed mind sickness which is commonly reffered as "depression". I live in constantinous fear of dying. I was once in point where i was so afraid o death I wanted to kill myself. Then it hit me - killing myself because of fear of death is... illogical (yeah, I know - weird, but hey - this is HN, you get it...). I didn't believe in medicine, psychiatrists and all "you can live with that" crap. Yet, i went to doctor. I went to therapist. And for about five weeks it was hell. I was affraid more than before, I was so narrowed my vision was almost all blackfield with small, foggy point of view. This was hardest thing I did in my grownup life - endure it. Guess what - it got better. No, my life hasn't changed a bit - my credits wasn't payd off, my fears didn't vanished, I still had to go to work every morning and I knew I am going to die one day. BUT - and this is most important thing - MY PERSPECTIVE CHANGED. I know I can face all this. I don't know anything about You. I don't know what had happened to You. Yet I know one thing - you always have a choice. Yes, on the one hand - you can kill yourself, BUT! - on the other hand - you can live. I won't tell you - think about others before you harm yourself. This is bullshit, when you are facing live-or-die choice. In death we all are alone so we can think only by ourselves. So I'm asking you, begging you for real - think about everything you are. You are far better than you think! You are the only one in the world! You managed to make someone laugh, you did good in your life, you faced tens and thousands problems and won over them, you can do something no one else can do in a way no one else can replicate (even if it's eating a cookie with knife and fork), you have dreams that are waiting to be fulfilled, you have so many tortillas to eat, you can become millionare in a blink of an eye, you can meet love of your life, you have all your life waiting for you. Please - choose yourself living. God be with You. |