[hncomment]

Many have made practical, technical recommendations about your computer issues.

But it sounds like stress/panic may be the real issue. (Your concerns and plans are all-over-the-map.)

You should seek someone local and friendly to talk to. They will be better at assessing the whole situation and providing a calm outside perspective. Ideally, this would also be someone who could provide a couch to crash on, if your current rent/residence proves financially unsustainable.

Your health and sanity are your "most urgent debts". Nothing else matters if those aren't in place. You may have to delay or step away from the kind of solo-contracting that's led you to a stressful situation. Taking simpler work, in a larger or more-traditional team/project, may help restore a more balanced outlook.

Good luck. You can survive a lot, if you take things logically, one-at-a-time.

[speeder]

I found a psichologist willing to help me for free until I can pay her (for "free" in the sense she is taking notes of the sessions to charge me later)

Unfortunately I have no close friends, and all my aquaintances are in similar positions, sometimes worse (the closes "Friend" I have right now, has the same problems as me, plus is married and have a kid, and his wife is also unemployed)

Also I am doing solo freelancing because is the only thing I could find to have any income, I am sending resumes for years now, without any success.

EDIT: I am also suspecting my main issue is psychiatric (I think I may have a real case of ADHD), but the psychiatrists I went so far were all obviously bad (For example one talked non-stop, don't allowed me to tell him my symptoms, and then told me I had some anxiety disease...)