You owe it to yourself to take the meds. Keep trying different ones until you find what works for you. This is what I was finally able to do and I've gotten my life back. If your current psychiatrist doesn't seem to help, seek out a new one. You are meant to live a fulfilling life with love and happiness. And don't worry about getting off the meds. Your body needs them as much as it needs food and air. Enable yourself to have what you need. I pray you find your way out of the darkness. : )