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Side effects of anti-depressants exist, but not everyone gets them, and they're mild compared to actually being depressed. Depression is more distracting, debilitating, and hazardous than the treatments for it. If you have depression, starting medication is a positive-expected-value move. If your first medication doesn't work or has unacceptable side effects, then your doctor will gladly change it. Generally, treatment starts with the drugs with the fewest side effects (e.g. Lexapro) and higher doses or or more blunt drugs are used if needed. You're not going to end up on a high dose of Prozac against your will. Also, many of the harsh and weird side effects of SSRIs (the yawns, the sweats, and the weird-ass dreams in the first week) are temporary and doctors will usually prescribe anti-anxiety medication if those become an acute issue. You need to do something about this. Medication's a good start, because it will give you the initial reboot that will make you able to exercise and regularize your sleep. After you're well, the next job is to stay well and get into an exercise routine and start eating healthier foods. Right now, though, medication is the best source for that initial "push", and it helps many people. Once you're out of the depression, establish healthy habits to maximize the probability that you stay out of it. Also, you shouldn't question whether you "deserve to be alive" because of one job. Most people have been fired at least once. Shit happens. If your depression is interfering with your ability to perform at work, then disclose the health issue before you end up on a PIP. It won't prevent you from getting fired but it will increase the likelihood that you get a severance if you are fired. Good luck! Depression sucks but many of us have been there and gotten out of it. |