So if your neighbor is offended that you wear blue shirts and insists that you should wear green shirts, will you change your behavior? After all, they are offended and you care about them.
In this stupid hypothetical (stupid because we're talking about the very real problem of anti-woman sexism in tech, and you're comparing it to someone having an irrational reaction to the color of a shirt), I'd ask my neighbor, "why? Why does my blue shirt bother you?"
My neighbor responds, "because the blue-shirted security forces in the dictatorship where I grew up killed my family when I was young, and it's very troubling to be reminded of that, even now."
Done, I stop wearing blue shirts.
To continue with the stupid analogy, I'm crediting my neighbor with not being irrational, and putting in the effort to listen and hear them out.
Just like I credit women, back in the real world, with not being irrational, and I hear them out about their complaints/frustrations/laments about sexism in tech.
My neighbor responds, "because the blue-shirted security forces in the dictatorship where I grew up killed my family when I was young, and it's very troubling to be reminded of that, even now."
Done, I stop wearing blue shirts.
To continue with the stupid analogy, I'm crediting my neighbor with not being irrational, and putting in the effort to listen and hear them out.
Just like I credit women, back in the real world, with not being irrational, and I hear them out about their complaints/frustrations/laments about sexism in tech.