| The bad news is that if you get your dream job and meet the love of your life tomorrow you're still going to feel like this. The good news is that if you change yourself, your perspective, your thinking, and so forth, you'll be happy with what you have now, and with this happiness and self esteem, you'll find it much easier to accomplish things you want. There's a lot of thinking on how to do so. Buddhists, the stoic philosophers, and modern psychologists will all tell you the same story. I'm a recovering drug addict, so staying away from the kind of negative thinking you're engaging in is kind of a matter of life and death for me. This shit works. Also, +1 to the folks suggesting improving your social skills: I started having decent social skills when I started feeling good enough about who I was that I honestly didn't give a fuck how others saw me. Addendum: A huge problem for me was trying to approach this like a programming or math problem, and apply reason and intellect to it. Didn't work. You need a different set of cognitive skills to deal with it, but they're not hard to pick up if you try. |
(also, both your plight and the efforts you put towards getting out of it sound very serious - best of luck to you)