Whatever 'brilliant' is supposed to mean, when I try to apply that adjective towards myself I'm immediately reminded about the numerous times I've felt humbled by someone else's infinitely higher brilliance (be it a book, source code, mathematical expression, song, poem, movie, etc) and then I just feel stupid for trying to place myself even close to those I so deeply respect.
Brilliant is impossible to be, what we can hope for is moments of 'brilliance', where one can come up with original solutions to problems. Ideas, revelations..
I do have those from time to time and it feels great.
But as a human being, it does matter what and how you feel in between those moments of brilliance.
And during a 'low' phase (which can last months, day after day), all your moments of brilliance are replaced with mental blocks, melancholy, cynicism and pessimism about everything and everyone.
It's a very bad place to be, it's painful, the feeling of being a fraud, the way you disappoint yourself and others by not following through, the way you see your dreams and hopes drown in a sea of confusion and frustration.
When everything you've earned/gained is slowly erased and you have to start again from step 1.
Yeah, I think that's a problem. You either kill yourself, drink/drug yourself to death or find a way to cope with it. My solution is to just obsess on books/studying new stuff when the mental winter comes and try to stay away from the easy escapes.
Brilliant is impossible to be, what we can hope for is moments of 'brilliance', where one can come up with original solutions to problems. Ideas, revelations..
I do have those from time to time and it feels great.
But as a human being, it does matter what and how you feel in between those moments of brilliance.
And during a 'low' phase (which can last months, day after day), all your moments of brilliance are replaced with mental blocks, melancholy, cynicism and pessimism about everything and everyone. It's a very bad place to be, it's painful, the feeling of being a fraud, the way you disappoint yourself and others by not following through, the way you see your dreams and hopes drown in a sea of confusion and frustration. When everything you've earned/gained is slowly erased and you have to start again from step 1.
Yeah, I think that's a problem. You either kill yourself, drink/drug yourself to death or find a way to cope with it. My solution is to just obsess on books/studying new stuff when the mental winter comes and try to stay away from the easy escapes.