[DanBC]

Allow yourself some time -less than an hour- to examine your thougts and emotions.

These examples might not be applicable to you!

"I was conned", which is causing "I feel humiliation and anger" and the evidence "he ripped me off and then made a load of money". Try to give a rough rating to the intesity. "I feel this strongly" or "this feels like a 3 out of 5".

Then start thinking about other evidence. "I could have retaliated, but I haven't. That's because I am honorable and have integrity." Or "it really sucked at the time, and it still sucks a bit, but I did learn from the experience and I am a better business person because of it."

The aim with the new evidence is not to remove the sting but to reduce it a bit, to reduce the intensity of the feelings. It's iterative.

This is a structured method to help control intrusive thoughts. If I tell you not to think of an elephant you're probably going to picture an elephant, so not thinking about stuff isn't always as straightforward as just pushing it out of your mind.

[MisterWebz]

So the correct response to someone ripping you off is using mental tricks to convince yourself you're better off than before?

[rday]

I would agree that it is the correct response. It sounds stupid to just let people get one over on you, sure. But every freelancer (that I know of) has been screwed by a client at some point.

Since it happens to everyone, the interesting part of the story becomes how you handled it. Not that it happened.

[Rygu]

Fact: he is already convinced that he's better off, because he is. Read his post again.

IMHO these aren't "mental tricks" but valid suggestions for him to find closure to something from the past that he really shouldn't consider important anymore. Finding peace is good.

[DanBC]

A few people in this thread are saying to let it go, to write it off. My post gives a technique that can be used to do that effectively.

[Squarel]

The correct response is to try to recoup your losses, but, not lose too much sleep over them, because I guarantee they are not losing any sleep over you.

Much as with anyone who screws you over, or otherwise causes you problems.

[adtruth]

Thank you for this thoughtful reply.

> not thinking about stuff isn't always as straightforward as just pushing it out of your mind

That has been the problem. I will 'get over' it and not think about it for months, but eventually I am reminded of the situation and angry thoughts return.

Whether I eventually take legal action or not, these seem like useful techniques.