[matwood]

But I would contend doing this tends to put you at a genetic disadvantage, and that some types of confrontation are essential for growth.

Fully formed adults have confrontations all the time. The difference is that the result of the confrontation is not threats, backstabbing or whining later. We've all worked with the engineer who thinks they are the smartest thing around and acts like a 2 year old every time they are challenged. That's the person I assume Netflix says they will not tolerate, and I agree with them.

I have heated discussions with co-workers all the time and at the end of the day we are all still respectful of each other and our ability to get the job done.

[nkozyra]

> Fully formed adults have confrontations all the time.

Sure. But without some HR codifications the line between "fully-formed" and "childish jerk nymph" becomes wholly subjective, and controlled by the majority. The end result is an organic uniformity.

Nobody gets along all the time. But how you define "fully-formed adult" can vary from one person to the next. Essentially you're defining "good and bad" or "right or wrong" by a feeling. I can understand the appeal of that, but it would worry me quite a bit as even a loose policy for behavior and interaction.

[derefr]

Presumably, if one person called another a "childish jerk nymph", then you have at least one person to fire (the person resorting to name-calling), if not two (the person maybe deserving the label) or more (the people taking sides rather than trying to dissolve the dispute.)

"Fully-formed adults" are people who I would expect to know how to mediate themselves. If people aren't able to successfully mediate their own disputes, then your failure in hiring came long before your latest addition.

Examples of people likely to be fully-formed adults: a mother with multiple children. A schoolteacher. A military sergeant. A nurse. A bartender. In general, people who have been exposed to enough pointless complaining and dispute that the object-level arguments don't matter to them any more, relative to the issue of figuring out what will allow everyone to continue working together optimally.

Note how most of those jobs are service jobs. People with natural talents rarely have to grow up in this way, and the people with the most natural talent are frequently the least grown-up (rock stars, career academics, startup founders). You only see this "fully-formed adult" trait re-emerge at the highest levels of accomplishment: astronauts are frequently fully-formed adults, for example.

[matwood]

Even with codifications it is still subjective. The obvious things of no physical abuse, etc... are obvious. How do you codify don't be an asshole? In fact, simply saying act like a grown adult is probably the most clear I've ever seen an HR guideline.