| Panic disorder + cyclothymia. Have had to leave jobs, in the past, because of it. So yes. 1. See a psychiatrist. There's no shame in it. 2. You're not "becoming the impostor [you're] trying to conceal." You're fighting a neurological challenge that, untreated, would overwhelm almost anyone. 3. Sleep: 8 hours, same approximate time of day, take melatonin (or, if your doctor suggests something stronger, then that) if you have insomnia. 4. Exercise and diet are important. Eat greens, work out every day (do different activities, obviously) and try to avoid too much caffeine. Best time to exercise is in the morning, for most people. 5. Try not to spend too much time in an open-plan office (this can be hard to avoid). Use breakaway offices and take walks outside if you need to. Once you establish a reputation as a strong performer (and, remember, you're probably a lot better than your impostor syndrome has you thinking you are) you can WFH approximately 1 day per week per year that you've been at a company. 5a. ETA: It's quite probable, if you work in an open-plan or cubicle office while others can see you while you work, or approach you without you seeing them, that this is making you sick. Having to manage your image and perform cognitively intense work is very damaging (it's too incoherent, and overwhelms the brain) and your body starts to release toxins after 4-6 hours under that particular form of stress. Open-plan is truly the devil. 6. Meditation / mindfulness practice after you get your other ducks in a row. (Sitting and stewing and being anxious isn't "meditating", so get your mental health on an even keel in therapy and then use meditation to further strengthen your resolve once well.) 7. Don't be ashamed of it. It's not your fault. Anxiety disorders suck. Just do the best you can and understand that even normal people have the "impostor syndrome" phase at some point-- especially early in their careers. 8. ETA: Stop focusing on how good or not-good you are, especially relative to your peers. Just focus on skill improvement. Compete against yourself, not them, and just get better every day at what you think is important. Get so busy improving that you don't have time to think about where you "are" on the skill spectrum: get a Heisenberg sort of thing going on where your position is not measurable and irrelevant because of your momentum. |