[jasonlotito]

> Why am I writing this post? I'm seeking understanding, support, and related stories/situations. I'm not seeking a cure-all. I'm not seeking a pharmaceutical or therapeutic recommendation. Just support.

I know you didn't ask for this, but it needs to be said.

See a doctor. Get properly diagnosed. Get proper help. As someone who live with mental disorders, I can assure you, getting proper help is the best thing you can do.

> I have OCD

Is this diagnosed? I only ask because far too many people self-diagnose. You might be right, but you shouldn't self-diagnose. If you are diagnosed, follow up with your therapy, and share this information.

Get help.

[awaythrow15]

Thanks for this. To clarify: I agree completely that therapy and medication can both be powerful tools. That said, I wanted (and still want) this discussion to focus more on the sharing of feelings and support between members of this community as opposed to my particular diagnosis or circumstance.

But I agree with you that seeking professional help is a good idea!

[comboy]

You clearly have done your homework. You know what things may help. You also got confirmation that indeed you are not alone with this kind of problems.

If you've done so much research then your problem is likely something that you've been fighting for years. Yes probably with much work you can fix it with just working on yourself. But it's like having a broken arm and telling yourself it will heal. It may. But if for some genetic or whatever other reason your brain does not produce enough dopamine, or have some other imbalance of neurotransmitters, then go to the doc, try his help, and spend all saved time on becoming even more awesome coder. If you want to, of course (But do you really? or maybe you just 'arrived' at the point you always imagined as a goal and the thing is you don't really know what you want now - that's a very real problem to have. But if you do know that what you really want is this career, then optimize for it trying not to be biased.)*

* sorry if that sounds like telling you what to do, just sharing my thoughts hoping that you may find some of them useful