[ndnichols]

I know you said you're not seeking a therapeutic recommendation, but if you were my friend then I would buy you a beer and gently recommend seeing a therapist. I saw one for a year after I got divorced, and she was extremely helpful in teaching me how to get out of negative-feedback thought loops, which sounds like it might be useful for you, too. I was originally nervous about signing up for a lifetime of having someone be my emotional crutch. But my take on it now is: 1) Being a happy, fulfilled human is hard. 2) We are generally not good at it, and we don't have much time to get good at it. 3) If one person has a problem, ten million other people do too. 4) Many problems have genuine solutions, and those that don't almost always have approaches that are helpful.

It sounds like your anxiety is having a real negative impact on your life. If you had some physical ailment (say digestive issues or headaches) that were having such a negative impact, you would go to a doctor, yeah? It's the same deal.

Take care and good luck!

[awaythrow15]

I do appreciate the suggestion, and I wholeheartedly agree that therapy can be a powerful tool. As can medication! I've had mixed success with both. I wanted to take that off the table for this particular discussion, as a thread filled with "seek professional help" didn't seem like it'd be a useful one for the community (or for me).

[bjt]

I disagree that it's not useful to the community. Seeing a lot of people recommend therapy, and a lot of people admit to getting it, can help remove the stigma and convince people to finally get help.

[robg]

Keep in mind that confiding in and talking with close friends is a good form of therapy.

[celadon]

I have to object to this. Friends can be an invaluable support. But they are not professionals, and I've been on both sides of friendships where trying to use a friend as a pseudo-therapist strained the relationship too much. It's also far too easy to temporarily relieve the burden of an anxious mind by talking to a friend, but most friends are not trained—and are not good at—helping someone find concrete ways to overcome their anxieties.

Talking about your troubles isn't the same thing as facing them, and good therapists are all about making you stronger and more resilient. More capable of facing your fears when you don't have someone to lean on. This is a very, very valuable thing.

[robg]

I didn't mean to imply an either-or. Sometimes the stigma of a mental health professional is too great a burden.

[benihana]

Not as good as talking to a therapist, who is trained to help with these kinds of issues and help teach their clients the skills that can help an individual overcome these issues on their own.

[alexbecker]

Definitely seconding this advice. A good therapist can make a world of difference.

[SiVal]

I'm going to third the advice. Sorry, I know you said you didn't want a bunch of postings saying, "find a good therapist," but you are describing a painful problem, begging for help, then prohibiting mention of the help you most need.

If instead, you told us (truthfully!) that you were committed to hunting for and working with a good therapist and, in addition, wanted suggestions regarding additional things you could do, then fine. But you aren't doing that, making it seem as though the advice you need most is what you don't want to hear but still need to hear.

Your anxiety is probably just the way your brain tends to behave if unconstrained, the way some people crave dangerous adventure, others live to be outraged by political affronts, others are obsessive collectors of memorabilia, and so on. Tune the parameters of the brain a little this way or that, and you can get just about anything.

Your case is probably best dealt with by a professional who is skilled with cognitive-behavioral therapy. There are a lot of bad therapists, so keep looking for a good one, and do the exercises to provide some counterbalance to your brain's natural tendencies.

While doing that, give your self all the advantages you can by sleeping well, eating well, exercising, and frequently asking yourself questions that tend to move your mind in useful directions ("What are some things I can handle that flummox most people? Why is it that anxiety is so common among peak performers? What if I did get kicked out of the company like, say, Steve Jobs? Would that actually mean anything?" Etc.)