[tomjen3]

Better yet: record a video. It will be more personal than just a note.

Also you mentioned your children being young. You may want to record videos for their various birthdays and other life events in case you are no longer alive. I know I will do this when/if I have any children.

[philh]

I vaguely recall a reddit comment recommending against that. It was along the lines of: The commenter knew someone whose father had done it, and the commenter thought that it made it a lot harder for that person to move on. Every year, on their birthday, they'd receive a fresh wound from someone they never even knew.

[bentcorner]

You can't opt-in to this sort of thing, I'd rather spend the time with videos/notes and have my loved ones choose to opt-out if they had enough.

What you say does have merit though - I would make it very clear that they would be under no obligation to "reopen the wounds", as it were.

[tach4n]

Is it really a choice though? I imagine most people would feel a fairly strong obligation to watch the video if they were told it was recorded as, say, a birthday present for them. The temptation would be very strong at least, and difficult for many to resist. I suppose after a few miserable experiences with it, some might be able to put the box of tapes away forever - but then they'd probably always carry some guilt.

I think it's better to do what one of my best friends (inadvertently) did when they died young - leave a good legacy of mementos for their loved ones. I, for my part, have a collection of musical recordings we made together that I can pull out when I feel like it. It's incredibly emotionally difficult to listen to (especially the parts where the tape was running between songs) but it helps at times. His girlfriend of the time has a lot of his writings/journals she can read to remember his thoughts on life or incidents that happened.

If you know ahead of time, record some memoirs and thoughts. Perhaps build something for them. Give a general message to your loved ones that you had a happy life, etc - whatever seems suitable for the situation and people involved.

...but the idea of recording "A message for my daughter on her 6th birthday from beyond the grave" is incredibly macabre to me and I personally would not want that.

There's much risk involved as well for the tiny little "cuteness" of the fact that the videos were recorded for specific life events. I for one wouldn't want to listen to a deceased parent go on about how proud they were I found a husband on my wedding day to my new wife for example. Or have to spend my whole life staring at a tape marked "for your wedding" and never watching it.

[amyjess]

> There's much risk involved as well for the tiny little "cuteness" of the fact that the videos were recorded for specific life events. I for one wouldn't want to listen to a deceased parent go on about how proud they were I found a husband on my wedding day to my new wife for example. Or have to spend my whole life staring at a tape marked "for your wedding" and never watching it.

Expanding on this, I'm transgender, and I really wouldn't want to be repeatedly deadnamed on my birthday.

[Retra]

You don't think that would feel like reading a new suicide note every year?