[EGreg]

I'm a liberal but probably not the demographic you think.

Compare if the situation was reversed for the following phrase: "Oh, you're so much more dependable than my actual gf." Or "Oh, you're so much funnier than my actual girlfriend". Men would get far more offended than women. Why is that? Why aren't there as many female comedians?

I think that biologically, women value the intimacy and sexual appeal that their mate seeks in them, and are jealous/threatened when he seeks it in others. While men value the respect and sexual availability that their mate gives to them, and are jealous/threatened when she gives it to others. It ultimately goes back to the very real difference that women can have less children simultaneously than men, and therefore men are the first to be sacrificed for the good of the group and polygamy was a very natural state for men who were the ones who risked and died in wars and other adventures to provide for their tribes.

I highly recommend you read this: http://denisdutton.com/baumeister.htm

[drzaiusapelord]

Justifying dual standards with questionable evolutionary psychology, frankly, is just not convincing.

If I found my wife flirting with other men online, be it via a "fake" service - whatever that may mean, its a serious violation of my trust and damages our relationship on a significant level. I don't care what hamfisted biological theories you toss out, its hurtful and disloyal. We're not all Sheldon Cooper.

>adventures to provide for their tribes.

I don't live in a tribal society and I suspect neither do you. I can't have 10 wives or 20 mistresses nor challenge people to honor duels. In fact, the state demands I'm non-violent, have only one wife, and society puts a great deal of pressure on us to stay monogamous. We have next to nothing in common with cavemen and the tribes of old.

I live in a modern society and play by its rules, that includes taking monogamy seriously in my marriage. My wife doesn't get the luxury of being immune from this because she's a woman and my feelings towards monogamy aren't invalidated because I'm a man.

[mattgreenrocks]

I think people cling to these theories in the hope they could explain every facet of human behavior. There's no Grand Unifying Theory of Relationships, period.

Certain people may act a certain way, but if you're choosing a mate, you don't want just anybody. Life isn't a popularity contest; you're not trying to capture the imagination of a random person. People mature at different rates, and have different value systems. These forces check our base impulses, and shape us into someone who is more than just the product of our own petty desires.

Worse, reductionism often carries with it an implicit acquiescence to terrible behavior.

[EGreg]

I hear what you are saying, but we're not all the same. Women typically are attracted guys taller and stronger than them. Men typically find themselves attracted to women who are thinner and weaker than them. And like you, I don't find it particularly convincing that a culture of forced monogamy is more beneficial to individuals or even the society at large. You mentioned the state, which leads me to believe you might be receptive to considering the plight of the individual. The way you described it, it almost sounds like you are bitter that society has forced you into behaviors that you would not naturally choose yourself, and now you want yourself and your wife to conform to those behaviors because you both owe it each other.

What if it was shown that your mutual happiness would be greatly improved by recognizing that the two of you have different priorities derive your happiness in diff ways and get jealous of different things? It's all well and good to put down different theories, but you also base your life on a theory. A theory of complete equality. After all, if you look at society at large, they don't exactly conform to this standard of monogamy that you put forth as the most moral. In fact, people cheat and lie quite immorally in order to get around it, and do it secretly. Is that really much better? Why is the state coersion morally better? What is your overall point?