| You are afraid. It's a good sign. You are afraid of looking bad: of creating things with computers that you'll then make public, with your name on them. Or that these computers, that you LOVE (your words), might turn out hard to program, with the looming prospect you then won't have what you love. If you weren't, you might have gotten a BA in computers first. After the expectation of getting a college degree went away, then you went and did what you actually liked. And that's ok. Because it's the things that frighten us the most that we tend to have to do next. You should be happy about this. There are people, lots of people if not the majority, who don't even attempt during a lifetime to do what they subconsciously want to and you managed to break through it. The fear of creating never fully goes away. Then suddenly, something happened and I lost interest. Mmm... I'd love to go deeper into this "something that happened". But either way it's ok. Now what to do about it. The typical things like finding supportive people, starting secret projects, or writing programs for yourself are unlikely to be enough. The bigger issue is you have to find a way to counteract resistance. You are sabotaging yourself. The bigger the prospect of humiliation, the bigger the resistance you'll put up. That's why it's ok. Big creations are terrifying. You can't see them directly in the eye. You have to approach them indirectly. You have to practically trick yourself into working on big things, and computers are big things for you. You need to allow yourself to make mistakes [1]. To screw up (everybody does). To write programs that aren't great in the beginning (nobody's are). Aim small, have no expectations (push them away) and just play. I'd love to be user #1 for something you build. [1] trivia: research shows that when people feel free to make mistakes they end up making fewer mistakes. |