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by guylhem 4222 days ago
TLDR : "the age U-shape in life satisfaction is driven by unmet aspirations that are painfully felt during midlife but beneficially abandoned and felt with less regret during old age"

Basically, most people hope they will do great, but instead fail miserably in their expectations and finally even let go of the hope.

Thoreau said 'Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.'. Apparently, this is wrong, as this would suggest even the song leaves them.

They live a life of quiet despair, then forget their dreams and - boom - happiness! Ignorance must really be bliss.

As another commenter said, "Basically "midlife crisis" is a way for people who are married with families to put down anyone having more fun or experiencing more freedom than them."

Agreed. I plan to have fun without encombering myself with things that would reduce my freedom (and I'm sure a lot of people will hate that and say that's not responsible, etc)

Doing without kids will be a good start, so that the life/energy/money is invested on my projects intead of another biologically related person.

EDIT: I'm not bitter, I just want to avoid a potential problem by making adjustments. I would consider giving up on my hopes and my dreams a much more serious issue that trying to adapt myself to a problem

6 comments

FWIW, I'm married with three kids and I really like my wife and kids. I certainly don't think it's for everyone, but I wouldn't dismiss it out of hand on the assumption that everyone who has a family is miserable (although I admit I may be an outlier...?). I say this only because you might deprive yourself of something you may enjoy.
I believe studies have generally shown married men, on the whole, to be happier than unmarried men. I'm not sure about women, nor about how children affect things.

Regardless, you are not an outlier. Huge numbers of people with families are happy about it. It's fashionable for men in their 20s to talk about marriage entirely in terms of loss of freedom, but that doesn't mean their ideas are in accord with reality.

They still get married, don't they?
"I plan to have fun without encombering myself with things that would reduce my freedom"

Be careful with that. It sounds like an objective function heavily weighted toward one particular conception of one value ("freedom") among many. It might be smart to diversify your portfolio.

How old are you? People's views do change.

“The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.”

― Muhammad Ali

So if I thought that at 20 religion was a farce and I still think that at 50, have I wasted my life. In the mean time I have learned and discovered lots about the universe. Have I still wasted my life. And also, I still dislike having kids the same as when I was 20 as I do now that I'm 50.

I guess I wan't to know what point are you exactly trying to make? People may never change their mind about having kids and yet still may grow and enjoy life immensely. Who are YOU to judge me?

If you hadn't learned and discovered lots about the universe it would have been a waste.

He's not saying all of your views have to change over 30 years. Just that they shouldn't all be exactly the same.

I don't think he meant you personally.
Deciding not to have kids to get more freedom is an oxymoron. You are just saying you are not free to have kids and pursue other ventures.
Wow, you actually sound bitter towards the fact that people on average get happier later in life.
I was thinking this as well. Parent also sounds like they are bitter about not having children while trying to simultaneously dismiss them as a burden.
good luck with that.