[coffeemug]

> Actually, such heavy-handed consequences on a hair trigger might be the opposite of what you want to do.

There is no plausible context in which saying "did you get that bruise from your boyfriend beating you?" to your colleague is appropriate. If someone does that, you really have no choice but to take a stand.

[kelnos]

That could be a matter of context, though. Obviously this was not the situation for the author of the article, but that isn't automatically an inappropriate statement. Let's say the person who said it actually has a friendship with the recipient, and knows that she is in an abusive relationship. The manager/boss/founder may not know any of this, and the hair-trigger "you're fired" response is entirely unwarranted and fairly horrible.

Recently I was having a conversation with a coworker (who is also a friend) where I said something to him that would be pretty bad if we weren't also friends. (We often have a faux-confrontational relationship and hurl fake insults at each other.) Someone who wasn't aware of our friendship overheard, and mentioned it to our boss, who then calmly asked me for an explanation. In the end, our boss agreed that the 3rd party overreacted, but suggested (and I agreed) that I might want to tone it down in situations where others who don't understand could misinterpret my words. He didn't come at me angrily or with an accusation of impropriety, but instead asked a reasonable question in an attempt to understand the context of the situation. Immediately taking the matter to HR or threatening me with being fired would have been counterproductive.

[CWuestefeld]

There is no plausible context in which saying "did you get that bruise from your boyfriend beating you?" to your colleague is appropriate.

My wife was once asked by her manager about a bruise on her arm [1], inquiring whether I had something to do with it.

Domestic violence is just as much a hot button today as diversity. Family doctors are expected to spot signs and counsel, for example. While an awkward situation, and one that I wish wasn't pushed on us, I don't find it surprising to hear that this occurred - and it could well be independent of any racial connection.

[1] Believe it or not, the bruise was from table tennis. At competitive levels, a ping-pong ball actually leaves a bruise, and my wife used to be ranked 30th best woman table tennis player in the country.

[stcredzero]

There is no plausible context in which saying "did you get that bruise from your boyfriend beating you?" to your colleague is appropriate.

Given the context from the op, this was clearly not appropriate. However, it would be false to say there is no conceivable context in a workplace where that combination of words could be. I was dating a martial artist at one point. We met in class. It would've been entirely appropriate for a friend who knew what I was up to lately to ask if a bruise was from my girlfriend beating me.

Additionally, there are other ways to ask about a bruise, even if there's reason to believe the situation is darker.

If someone does that, you really have no choice but to take a stand.

Highly dependent on context. Again, given the context from the op, this was clearly not appropriate. Still, I should hope that people talk openly and try to understand what everything is about when situations like this come up. This is what one would expect to happen in a group that is also an actual community.

[zo1]

I don't understand why such a comment is being seen as racist, or with racist undertones? I don't live in America, so I don't know what passes off as "racism" over there. But here in Africa, that sounds like a perfectly valid thing to ask a colleague if they show up for work with a bruise on their face, and you're concerned. Black, white, or any other race for that matter.

[stcredzero]

The implied stereotyped story is that all black men are angry and beat their wives/girlfriends. If the two parties knew each other and were good friends, then this could have fit into the, "so horrible, it can't be true so it's funny," style of humor. However, attempting that is taking a big risk and having it fail can be downright offensive.

[issa]

explaining American Racism is very, very difficult, hilarious, and sad.

[Mimu]

There are probably a lot of situations when this kind of comment can be funny. It can be related to a movie, to an IRL event, to something someone said earlier, the list goes on and on.

I'm a big fan of "offensive humor", I love the show "It's always unny in philadelphia", but as always, the joke is a only a joke if the "target" find it funny.

Keep in mind that I'm not saying that the woman in the article wasn't victim of racism/harassment, if what she wrote is true she certainly was and I'm happy to know that she is doing better now.