Are you saying that if it had more ram, the vendor would've updated the windows image? I don't see a connection between the out-of-box software being broken and the device having lower specs than a phone.
No, I'm saying specs alone are a warning sign of a junk device. Outdated software and lack of touchscreen drivers are just another consequence of manufacturers neglect.
OP here. I was expecting something called a "Microsoft Signature Device" to be similar to a Nexus device, wherein MS was working with the OEM to make a sort of reference device for the form factor. Nexus devices usually don't have the latest-and-greatest, and they still work pretty damn well.
What I got out of this instead is that MS guarantees a "Signature Device" to just be free of any bloatware. I was also deceived by the devices in-store working perfectly well, but having been already fixed by store employees before customers could get to them.
Things seem to be much better now that I've got 8.1 and some various other updates in. Still have more updates installing, and hopefully everything is peachy keen by tomorrow evening when I do the Day 1 post :)