[ak39]

Showing evidence (or hard facts) is the best way to counter the "always" and "never" accusations. One may never "win" these types of emotional battles, but throwing in a Black Swan by means of evidence to an emotional argument is the quickest way to begin talking sensibly.

It works both ways too. If you broke a promised family engagement, it's there in black and white. Also, if you're seen as not devoting sufficient time for the family, the communication can move towards exactly how much (extent).

[tonyarkles]

I'm not sure what kind of relationships you've been in, but in my life experience (N~=10), evidence is typically not appreciated in this kind of argument. Introducing evidence into a disagreement was my standard approach and it did help occasionally, but the vast majority of the time it made it worse.

My new approach is to listen very carefully to what my partner is saying, especially to the emotions that she's feeling. Evidence isn't going to make her emotions change. There's usually something relatively simple that I can change about my behaviour that will result in her not having that negative emotion. We've been together for 5 years and we both agree that things are the best that we've ever had in a long term relationship.

[ak39]

I haven't been in many relationships, admittedly. Just one. This Dec it will be 19 years. Those years have produced three healthy and inquisitive boys. The four in total, in my life, are the most important and precious human beings.

But time with them, I have learnt for the sake of peace and fairness, in my life, needs to be scheduled! :-)

Wife and I have spent too much time arguing and disagreeing about too many things. As the years went by we realised gradually that some shit doesn't matter. Some shit does. Disagreements don't last when hard facts surface.

But of course, my advice to the OP remains anecdotal.