[brianbarker]

First, I wouldn't get relationship advice from HN, or any pool of nerds. There's a reason our relationships suffer or are few and far between: nerd personalities will spend more time coding at work, trying to build a side project, watch TV or play games than being a healthy, balanced human being.

I work 40 hours a week. If I have work shit poking into my life beyond that on a regular basis, it's time to talk to my manager.

Don't lose your life to sitting on a computer coding. You can write software (or whatever you do) until you die, but you can't get back time lost, moments, relationships, friends and family.

As hokey as it may sound, and as often as I had people around me warning me about this, it took me awhile to figure it out. Sadly, it will take many nerds a long time to figure out and I'm convinced most never do.

When I die, I don't want my only memories to be coding on my laptop at home. There's so much more to try out and discover. Art, music, people, cooking, travel, whatever. IDK. Find some stuff and do more of it.

[gargalatas]

I disagree. I would rather say: Do whatever you want to do. If you wanna code all day, just do it! This is freedom!

So if you wanna work all day, find a way around your gf's complaints. If you think your gf is pushing too much then probably she isn't for you.

Sometimes I have the same problem and I try to be very straight: I always worked so much!

[brianbarker]

In the end you can't have both. If you work all the time your interpersonal relationships with suffer. The original post is asking for advice in a situation where he is unable to spend enough time away from work and appears to want to keep a lady friend.

[brianbarker]

I would also add that perhaps it's time to reconsider your goals. If you're working a ton, or on a startup or side project or whatever, maybe that's not going to give you what you want and maybe it's time to let go. It's hard, but you can do it.