[DanBC]

> sometime I get frustrated with myself and want to end everything (for a man self is the world). But I don't.

Thoughts like this are very worrying. Ease reach out to a friend or family and talk to them. If it's possible please seek meic help for this.

In England you can call your GP. Or you can self refer to your local Mental Health services -- do a wh search for the name of your county and "IAPT" (improved access to psychological therapies).