[jingo]

"HTML served in TXT records a standard trick for serving small web pages"

I already did this many years ago. It works well.

I also do not use DNSSEC (unencrypted DNS packets) opting instead for dnscurve (encrypted DNS packets).

What is still missing from the DNS world is a server that can handle pipelined (TCP) DNS queries (multiple lookups in the same request). I think the spec allows for it but no one ever implemented it as far as I know.

In your thought experiment, that would be "HTTP/1.1 pipelining".

I use HTTP pipelining everyday via command line utlities and where "web browsing" is concerned I find it hard to live without.