[dang]

I have had to work on this, because what used to be a personal problem is now an occupational hazard. Here is what I've found. The compulsion to comment is trying to get rid of a feeling of irritation. That doesn't work, because the other side—probably just as irritated as you are—pushes back harder, irritating you more.

You can interrupt this compulsion simply by feeling the irritation without trying to get rid of it or channel it into something else, such as a proof of rightness. The more aware you are of how it's agitating you, the less likely you are to lash out.

It might seem like being more aware of something uncomfortable can't help, but in pratice it does. It gives space and time for the irritation to subside, and lessens the habit for next time.

This has given me a new perspective on tolerance. Tolerance is closer than we realize to the physical sense of "to tolerate", i.e. to bear a pain or stress internally without snapping. This capacity increases with practice. The best thing for tolerance is to experience the irritation, that buttons-being-pushed feeling, as a physical sensation and not an intellectual reaction. That somehow metabolizes it.

[ironic_ali]

Well said.

After 20 years on the internet, the phrase, 'if you're angry, you've already lost' has stood me in good stead (after lots of practice...)