[dang]

Can anyone suggest an accurate, neutral title?

Edit: Users have flagged this, so it doesn't really matter.

[ars]

Yah, no kidding. That title is serious link bait, especially because it's not in slightest supported by the article.

I know HN has a policy of letting the article choose its own title, but I think they should make an exception here.

[dang]

The policy is to keep the article's title unless it is misleading or linkbait. Double when it's both.

[oska]

"The planet's five ocean gyres and the risks of accumulated plastic pollution"

Quite florid writing but the map of the planet's ocean gyres is beautifully done.

[gus_massa]

I'm not sure, all the article has a very alarmist tone:

* Investigating garbage patches in the ocean

* Plastic garbage is more dangerous than meteorites and global warning

* Would you like a smaller penis with that bag?

[RyJones]

"What is a gyre, why does it trap garbage, and why should you care?"

[noir_lord]

That's almost as bad as "This one simple trick to ruin your planet" or "You'll never believe how the human race will die out".