[sleeplessinSLC]

Honestly, I do have a hard time saying no. Rarely is the conversation "We'd like to increase your responsibility, here is some more pay and a new title". It's more like "Hey, your opinion in stand up this morning was awesome, can you sit in on this meeting." This seems to lead into "You can't make it to yet another meeting about strategy with the investor's? Do you know what will happen if you're not there! It's the end of the world!"

But, those are excuses that I constantly make. Your advise is solid, and much appreciated. I need to really strengthen up and just say no.

[DanielBMarkham]

Better than saying no is using some negotiating tactics to take the pressure off you.

Use an external constraint and pre-disqualify yourself. So one day when you're not being asked out, ask to have a talk with the founders.

"Hey guys, had this talk with my significant other last night and they told me that while it was okay to put in some extra hours, I couldn't be burning both ends of the candle by doing both tech and business work. It makes me impossible to get along with, cranky and miserable."

This sets your limits, puts the onus on some outside party, and presents the founders with a constraint at a time when the constrain is meaningless -- after all, they don't need you now. Then when an actual event comes up, gently remind them that you've already had this conversation. Offer to talk sometime during the day. Hell, have the biz folks come by the next standup. That way they can talk to the whole team.

The point is, you're not trying to hurt the founders, you're just placing some reasonable constraints on what's possible and what's not possible. It's not your idea (and in reality, it's not, it's just the way you are), and it's not the end of the world.

At the end of the day, you have to set limits. There are tricks to setting limits that reduce conflict. You should use them. But as long as you're needed for something you'd prefer not to do, you'll never completely eliminate that stress.

[Mz]

"Hey, your opinion in stand up this morning was awesome, can you sit in on this meeting."

There's your problem. Stop outing yourself. Don't give your opinion on things you don't want to be dragged into. Zip your lip. Then you probably don't have to say "no" to anything because they probably won't ask. Give opinions on those things that are related to the domain you desire to work in and then make polite noises about "not my area" or something if pressed on these other things that you don't really want to work on.

[polskibus]

Have you considered whether an ownership stake in the company would change your point of view? If you really are valued for your insights on the business side, but you are supposed to give 100% to development as well, why not bump up the stakes? See whether they are just giving their monkeys to you (as in http://www.amazon.com/The-Minute-Manager-Meets-Monkey/dp/068...) ? You could always ask for a raise (if shares are too much to ask for). There's an equilibrium in front of you waiting to be discovered.

Are the ones dragging you to late meetings shareholders? Or maybe they work on commission? Or perhaps there's a big bonus waiting for them but not for you ? Find out whether money is the problem or not, it's easier to find the solution once you understand others' motivations.

I'm guessing you're more of a generalist than a specialist in one field and that's partially why you see things the way business would like "tech" to see. It's actually a good thing and helps you build better software. In the worst case just change job one more time, sometimes it takes longer than one or two switches to find the right place. Good luck!

[capisce]

Money might not make up for a depressing job, if he feels he's already making enough to support his desired life style.

[polskibus]

I think he may feel a bit exploited, because he's not getting return on his extra investment. If he's apt in business then I believe that he can like doing it - just that the environment must appreciate it in the right way. We're wired for getting the right feedback, all very well described in the Flow book.

[paulbaumgart]

Any easy way to say "no" without offending is to describe the opportunity cost: I can do this, but this other Important Business Priority will suffer. Once they understand the trade-off, it ideally becomes a collaborative discussion to decide the best course of action instead of antagonism.

(If they suggest you need to suck it up and do both, just laugh it off as the wishful thinking that it is.)

[ironchef]

If you think about it, this is a good answer to one of those bullshit interview questions "What is your biggest weakness?". I have a similar one which i've been working on a lot which is trying to have a better work/life balance. I used to have a lot of trouble saying no...and I worked a lot more than I do now. I _still_ work probably too much; however, my team now knows I will not be bothered from 6 to 8 pm as that's when my kid is home, lucid, and we're having some family time. Trying to find that balance is a constant battle.

Do you think you can _and_ should improve on this? Awesome. Introspection and room for improvement for the win!

[iandanforth]

Also, make yourself an invaluable engineer. If your strengths in business are so evident that you repeatedly get pulled in that direction you have 1. Actively hide those strengths and 2. Doggedly pursue engineering greatness.

Great engineers set their own rules. One of the best I know gets in at 9 and leaves at 4. His schedule is set and no-one questions it because he's obviously a better and more productive engineer than the rest of us!