[jjoonathan]

I tend to agree with you.

"You should be sympathetic to our decision to kill civilians because it's the only way to favorably engage the terrorists!"

seems exactly on-par (morally speaking) with

"You should be sympathetic to our decision to get civilians killed because it's the only way to favorably engage the oppressive occupation!"

It's a prisoner's dilemma through and through. The only way I can see to break the symmetry is to note that one side stands to lose less by appeasing the other.