[AndrewKemendo]

>but I couldn't buy one of these, they just look so dorky.

Congratulations you described why rollerblading really never took off in the 90s. As a rollerblader even I can admit that there is just something about the look that screams "not cool", I'm just not quite sure why.

[tricuspid]

It mostly has to do with the human tendency to discern an innate level of intuitive ass-kicking power that any given artifact might imbue upon or withold from the wearer.

Ask yourself: If I had to fight Chuck Norris, would this magic item improve my chances of winning?

When the answer isn't a resounding "yes", the prospects of coolness are in doubt.