[nisa]

It's an illusion. I, too share this thinking through.

Beside doing things you regret when drunk - like making an ass out of yourself when talking to more sober people in bars or feeling shitty the next day... it does not make you experience yourself as a better person when sober. You have to be drunk to be that better person. So you drink. It does not help - at least that's my experience. Getting drunk can be fun but...where to stop?

Being outgoing for me is strongly connected to my self-esteem and feeling of self-worth. If it's down the drain I hardly leave the house and run away from social interactions without alcohol. If I accumulated some self-worth and feeling fine with myself I enjoy going out and being social in a sober state even more.

I doubt that you are more socially awkward for other people when sober but your anxiety makes you so uncomfortable that you have this urge to grab a drink and have a feeling of relaxation. After a few beers you feel better...

Be careful it's a vicious circle and it's worth to spend some energy into forcing yourself into social situation in a sober state. It can be fun to sit sober in a bar and watch all the people getting more and more drunk.